2014 in Review and What Comes Next?

A lot has changed in my life in 2014.

There has been an overwhelming sense of accomplishment as well as the associated 'well what now' that inevitably follows completing something that you never thought would ever be possible.  This was the theme of my homework set by Julie for the Christmas holidays.

I'm in Bangkok at the moment on my annual break.  This is something that is only relatively new in my life, taking holidays!  The first year that we came here was in 2010, just before I met with the surgeon for the first time.

Travel was never really that high on my wish list - it was uncomfortable, I suffered for days after the flight with pain and stiffness, I could never do as much as I wanted to and it was just easier not to think too much about it.  I also worked a lot...  like a crazy person in fact.  Work was something I could do, something that I could achieve with.   I'm not entirely sure that I had time from the start of 2000 until 2010 that I could have actually gone on holidays overseas for too long.  This isn't to say I never travelled.  I did a few trips with work in the privilege of business class and no time to do too much that was physically demanding.  (There was that one trip to Vegas...  but that's for a whole other post)

So the last year pre-op I went to a city that I knew people and they knew what I could and couldn't do.  They also didn't feel the need to do too much that was touristy and required too much walking.  Taxis were in abundance and were extremely affordable and I had a holiday that fit in with what I could do.

We now return and the holiday has changed a little - we do walk more.  I still don't go to the gym or the local pilates studio as I promise myself each year as I pack my gym gear but my life is substantially more active than it ever has been before.

So the homework....  to figure out what my 2015 goals are going to be.  In trying to come up with something, I spent a fair bit of time reflecting on the year and what I had actually achieved and what had changed.

The highlights:

• I can get up and down off the floor without leaning on anything above ground level
• I can walk 15km and pull up fine in the morning (I could possibly do more - but it's at that point where I'm kind of bored with being in my own head and just want to do something else)
• I walk and people don't know that I've had hips replaced
• My posture has improved substantially 
• I can wear heels (Hey, I know bad for the body and I've always claimed flats are the way to go but it is nice to dress up some times and slide into a pair of Ferragamo peep-toe heels.  My physio says it's ok on occasion too - so I'm in the clear!)
• I sleep better than I ever have before.  I can exist on substantially less sleep than I ever have before.  I prefer to get more hours and quite often do but I can now wake up in the morning before the alarm and be where I need to be without the 
• I can easily do up my own shoelaces.  I could earlier post-op but it still had it's challenges.  It's now just part of real life these days.
• Getting in and out of car - completely changed - it's so much easier to not slide in like a lady and then bring legs in.  
• General flexibility.  It amazes me sometimes that I don't think twice about picking things up off the ground.  That I can bend and reach.  That my balance has improved.
• I actually like physical activity.  It turns out that my old belief that I didn't was really just a function of what I was physically capable of - not actually what was real.  It surprised me.  

The things I've learned:

• To accept that these great accomplishments just aren't as impressive to others.  The things that I get excited about and have shared with friends have often been met with the blank oh great stares.
• To accept that the most important thing to the outside world is the weight that I've lost.  About 14kg.  I know this is awesome and it's been fun buying a new wardrobe and fitting into things that I haven't worn for years, but to me this is just a nice little positive side effect.  I never did any of this to lose weight.  That was never a factor in any of the decisions I've made.  The strength and new found freedom, the blank stare stuff is just so much more important.

My world has changed.  I'm finding myself.  The person that I never thought that I was.  The person that I never even thought about being because it was so far removed from what my reality was.

I didn't quite make it to figuring out what the goals were.   I started by looking at the suggestion of Kokoda Trail - but it didn't jump out at me.  It's not the distance.  This is a pretty great challenge that meets the criteria of a suitable challenge in that I would require a fair bit of training to be able to achieve the goal, and yet still it's just not quite right.

The Bhutan Trek to Happiness walk as a fundraiser for the Black Dog Institute interested me more - but it wasn't really challenging enough to be a goal for the next stage of my development.  I think I might still do this one day - but it won't be a goal, just something that I'll do for fun.  The fund-raising side to this event would be the biggest challenge.

I'm still looking.  I'm sure it will come to me soon and in the meantime, the search is fun.  I've thought of and found a lot of activities that require another look at now that I have this new found freedom.

Things like:

• Going to an all day music festival and be in the mosh pit at least once.  
• Indoor rock climbing
• Abseiling

If you can think of anymore - please post!!

I'm looking forward to spending more time on this little homework project in the coming weeks.

Bridge to Brisbane

10k Walk - 2 Hours

I did it - another item off the rehab wish list.  I'm not even sure what to say about the whole event just yet - it needs time to sink in.  

I could probably do anything.

The girl in the video...

I cried for her today as I watched the videos of her learning to walk again. 

She was taking small steps.  Carefully placing each foot on the masking tape line as she took each step while she held onto the rails either side of her that supported some of her weight so the whole effort was even possible.

Mostly there was a look I'd call resigned. I couldn't see the determination behind her eyes that I expected to see as she took each step...  Over and over again.

It hurt to watch.  I went forward a few months as she walked with a cane.  Barely a walk.  It was uncomfortable to watch.  I thought I could still see resignation - none of the desire to do more that should have been there. There was a moment in one where she jokes with the person filming and I see a spark of personality...  Something that I couldn't see in any of the other clips.

I kept going forward to where she walks without the cane and the walk still doesn't look natural.  I think about her thoughts that it might be the best she could ever be as the person filming her encourages her to lift her knees just a little more and tells her she's done well.

I cried because I felt the pain, the fear, the darkness, all of the emotions from those experiences when I watched her.  She feels like a stranger, a person that doesn't exist anymore that has no bearing on who I am now.  It's only now that I see her as a stranger that I feel compassion for her, feel that she is worthy of having someone listen to her fears and share her triumphs.

I'm not even sure how I got to where I was in the last video taken in 2012 to where I am today.  What I'm really not sure of is how some of the people who are closest to me haven't noticed the difference.  

I'm even more proud of what I've accomplished in the last few months when I look back and see exactly how far I've really come and I wonder where I could be and what I'll see in a few years when I look back at where I am today.  I hope I feel joy and strength and know that it is mine and that I am worthy of it.

The longest walk...

So far.

Last night I sent out a few messages to people to say hello, to see how they were doing, some who I haven't spoken to in a while.

I woke up quite early and had a few responses, some from people who were online this morning quite early. (Well early for me for a Sunday).  It's been good to catch up with people, to have a life back and some of the interactions have given me a lot to think about.  About my life.  About the changes that I've made for myself.  About the value of being alive, of being healthy and about having the opportunities to do things like, going for a long walk.

So I did.

I started out thinking that I'd go to a little coffee shop near me.  My local is the one thing that I really miss from living in the city.  It was just an elevator ride and maybe 50 meters.  My new local is about 2.2 km away.

What the hell right?  I can do that on the elliptical, so why shouldn't I be able to do this on the ground.  I have walking shoes and need coffee.  So why not.  I can always call a cab if I feel like I can't make it.  There's bus stops all along the way.  I'm not walking through the desert, I can just roam.  I kind of wonder if I hadn't have had all these health issues whether back packing would have been something that I would have enjoyed.  I'm a little spoilt now and like my own shower and bed in a nice clean somewhat upmarket hotel but I think that I could do the adventure a little more.  There's a whole world out there waiting for me to explore.

I started off quite optimistic.  There were some thoughts that it was a little harder than what I thought it would be when I got to the hills...  that's right - plural.   Calves and glutes burning, I made it there.  I took my time to sit, have coffee, some toast with avo and realised, that it wasn't that far.  I did the check around; ankles - good, knees - good, hips - good; and decided that I didn't think I wanted to go back.

There is freedom in just walking.  Time to think.
Time to just wander and be in my own head and be ok with that.

So I kept going.  Stopped at a friend's place another three or so kilometres down the road.  I detoured through a reserve area that has paved paths through the bush land rather than by the busy roadside in one section.  I was the only person out for most of the way so I got to sing out loud and just enjoy being.

It actually amazes me that I enjoyed it.  It's something that I would have always said that I was too lazy to do.  The reality of it is that I couldn't do it and it was just easier to say that I was lazy and didn't want to.

By the time I got there - I needed more water and a seat for a little while but I still checked out.  I kind of think that I could have done another stretch about that distance again.  Maybe not with all of the hills but I still think that I could have kept going.  In the end, I got a lift home.

I'll see how I fare up tomorrow.  I think that the worst of it will be a little sunburn.

Maybe next weekend I should head in another direction.  Split up the trip by 2 - 3 km chunks with a rest break between and just see how far I can get.  Maybe head towards the city this time.  South Bank is about 7 - 8 kilometres.  I can catch a bus home from there.  It's just finding the rest breaks along the way.   I'm sure headed in that direction that there'll be plenty to look at and keep my mind occupied as I meander along.

Differences in Me

People who haven't seen me in a few weeks are commenting on differences.
I feel different.  I just wasn't sure that translated into something more visible to the outside world.  Something positive.  My pilates / physio team can see the difference and are working with me to push the boundaries even further out.  That's exciting.  I'm not sure if exciting is the right word.  Awe is a little closer.  Maybe wonder?  Or maybe it's just the anticipation.  Kind of like that anticipation that you get before Christmas as a child - wondering what Santa might bring.

I'm starting to notice that I'm just more comfortable in my body.  It feels like it's doing what it's supposed to do.  The getting up and down off the ground is the biggest thing for me.  It's something that I don't remember ever doing - it opens up a whole lot of things that I've never really done before.

Sometimes I catch myself with the realisation that something that I've done for a long time is just that little bit easier.
My knees are coping a little bit better.
Swelling on my knees and ankles is reducing (and I can't recall it ever having done that)
Sometimes I'm just bouncy.

Last Friday, I went to a meditation class.  Something that I never would have done before.  How could I?  I'm sure there are some that would have accommodated my lack of ability to get down to the floor, though that isn't something that I would ever have wanted.  I've never wanted to be seen to be different or require special assistance.  It was always better not to participate - not to let people know - not to be a burden - not to let anyone see weakness - maybe a touch of pride.

There have been a few people that I've spoken to about this big thing.  Some don't see it as such a big thing.  I guess the novelty of knowing someone that has had both hips replaced has worn off and my achievements aren't that exciting for them anymore.  I kind of wonder if they ever were.  It's ok though.  I don't need that external validation.  I feel good.  It can be lonely at times when there isn't someone to talk to about what is going on with me but it's something that I'm ok with.  I'm ok with it because I don't know where this is going to take me but I'm looking forward to finding out.

Missing Pilates Session

Today I missed pilates.
I had to go to a client site for a payroll handover.

I didn't realise that it would make such a difference to my mood.
It's entirely possible that I'm just grumpy and there are other things that are going on in my life at the moment that are having an effect but....  nothing feels like it should and it's just a generally uncomfortable day.

I'm going to have to figure out something to do for when work commitments stop me from going to a scheduled appointment.  The next one I'll miss is on the 27th of this month.  Not long to figure it out.

Off the Floor

For the first time for as long as I can remember, I got off the floor without leaning on a chair and using my arms to assist.  I was on one of those thick squishy mats so I kind of wrote it off to the matt and maybe just a fluke.

So today I tried again at pilates on a regular mat.   I did it.

I haven't tried a regular hard floor yet but I did it.  Twice.

That's huge.  It's so huge that I can't even tell you.

Some people get it.

Some don't.

I'm grateful for those that do.

Ultrasound

I had physio today.  I learnt a lot.  More than just releasing the muscles and feeling that light buzzy feeling afterwards, I learnt what my muscles looked like when they were working efficiently and what they looked like when they weren't quite doing what they were supposed to be doing.

We used a diagnostic ultrasound, the kind they look at babies with, to look at whether my transverse abdominals and the lowest level glute muscles closest to my hip joints.  Looks like the TA's were firing well and the glutes not so much.  It wasn't a great surprise, but it was very worthwhile to see.   I now have an understanding as to what it feels like working properly because I know what it looks like.  Now I can work towards strengthening what needs to be strengthened.

I probably should have taken pictures for comparison....  Maybe next time!

Pilates Shake Up

In addition to my regular pilates appointments, I've added two sessions with Julie.

All three have kicked up a notch.

I didn't know that I could have muscle pain like this without joint pain.  It's the most amazing thing ever.    This is going to change everything.  I'm not even sure how yet - but it will.

Trying Something New

This year has marked a number of big changes for me.

Last year didn't work for me and I went away at Christmas with a whole lot of homework to think about what I actually want from my life.  I came home with some ideas that I started to put into place when I came home.  I realised pretty quickly that the plan I started in the early weeks wasn't going work - I wasn't going to be personally happy - the things that were weighing me down would still be there and not much would have changed.

I had started the process last year.  Looking for something new in a lot of aspects of my life.  Part of that was how I was going to look after me.  I spoke to friends with chronic illnesses to see what was working for them.  I spoke to friends who'd been broken and were fixed and quizzed them.  I went to see everyone that they recommended.

I spent six months talking to a shrink.  I think it helped me for that moment.  Helped make sure that I didn't end up back in the darkness.  The panic attacks came back for a while. (I'm not sure if I've ever talked about that before - they were there in the beginning.  If I haven't talked about them - I will soon)  I ended up in hospital one night.  Very few people knew.  It was a shock to me - physical pain as a response to panic.  It was new and an indicator that I couldn't just keep it to myself and just 'suck it up'. The masks were starting to crack.  I'd schedule according to what I could cope with and I worked at night away from people so I could keep my mind busy and take time out when I needed it.  The fear of being found out was enough to hide the darkness.  The work was technical enough that it could hold my focus and I could hide in it.

I'm really good at masks.  I hold it in.  I don't like people to see weakness and I don't like being told what to do when I feel like this.  I know what to do, I'm not an idiot.  Knowing what to do and actually doing it are different.  People who have been here will know what I mean.  I didn't need someone to solve my problems.  I needed someone to help me understand my problems so that I could work out how to feel better.

It was the first step in looking for someone that I could talk to about what was coming next.  Facilitating me to work out what it is that I wanted when all I could figure out was what I didn't want.  I didn't go back after a while.

I guess I ended up learning more about me, and more about what I could do from business coaching.  I think a lot of that came from the person that I worked with.  The right things at the right time.  What I needed to take that next step.  What started with in this process isn't where I ended up.  I'm on a completely different path now.  It's a little scary out here - it's all new - but I'm gaining confidence that I can navigate this journey.  I'm sure that I'll make some mistakes as I continue to figure out what I want and need and adjust the journey.

On the work side, I'm winding down my business.  I've accepted a full time job.  I've already seen a massive reduction in hours.  The panic wakes me sometimes in the middle of the night with all of the things that I need to do that I didn't stay up half the night working on, but I'm becoming more accepting of the fact that I can't be everything to everyone and sometimes people will be disappointed when I say 'no'.  It's been a bit confronting too.  Spending more time in my own head.  That can't be good, right?  Probably not - but until I spend more time with myself without the work focus, I'll never figure anything out.

On the body side, I'm a regular at acupuncture and have started with my seat buddy's sister.   So far, she's the genius that has been claimed.  Her knowledge of ortho is amazing and she isn't afraid to use it to help me see continuous improvement.  I have some big goals and I'm pretty sure that she'll see me to them.    It gives me hope that there is more for me.  Even after all of the amazing results that I have - I've realised that there is more.  I do want to do more.  I want to try these things that I haven't done before that I've always said that I didn't want to do.

It's a new world out there and there is a lot to learn.

Random Meeting on a Plane

It turned out to be the next opportunity - the open door that I needed to walk through.

Last week I flew to Melbourne for a wedding.

I was going to leave work early and get there around 6pm so that I could meet up with some people for a few drinks.  Flights were ludicrously expensive as I'd left booking so late and I'd decided that I'd be better off to use my frequent flier miles and treat myself to a business class seat.

The week didn't quite go to plan and there was no way that I was going to make a 3pm flight.  It was just as well that I'd gotten the seat that I had, as a reschedule to a later departure was an easy one.  I survived the day of work and made my flight on time.

Settled into business class, my row mate arrived and settled in.  We both read until dinner.  At dinner we started to chat.  He was on his way to a conference in Melbourne for the fitness industry.  He and his family own a gym, not far from where I lived.  We talked about the industry and I commented that I didn't really fit into the traditional member mould and we discussed the difficulties that I had finding the right 'team' for me for this next stage of my progress.

Turns out his sister is in the game too....  apparently a rehab genius - physio and exercise.   Julie works between a clinic and the gym.  I thought about this for a while when I got home.  Figured that it was worth a shot - what did I have to lose.  I was ready to try something new, take that next leap.

I called the gym and got in contact with Julie.  She wasn't taking new patients - but because her brother recommended her, she was going to take me.

Next week I see her.  I'm hopeful, but not expecting too much.

Three Years Post-Op

Today I had my checkup with my surgeon.  I'm three years down the track and he's happy with my progress.  I don't have to go back for another two years now.

It's a great result.

It's a little weird though that something that has been so important in my life is now just a checkup every few years.  Physically it is the best possible outcome.  The journey though has taken me through some really tough times and at some level, fundamentally changed the way that I look at the world.

The main goal that I had going in was that I wanted the chronic, persistent pain to be gone.  As I read back over the blog posts, I'm sure there was more that I could say - for fear of failing.  So long as I got through and life was better than it was before - that would be a successful outcome.

And it is - and so much more.

The whole process has been a catalyst for major change in my life.

It's that turning point where I realised that there were people in my life who were only there because I could help them.  When it was my turn, they didn't like it and it caused all manner of grief.

I realised that I didn't have to live with pain.   Physical or otherwise.  While it's part of the human condition to have inner struggles, I don't think I accept my 'lot' in life as much as I used to.  I can do more - it's now my choice, I'm not as limited by these physical constraints that provided an excuse, a protection from the world.   I've struggled with depression - I've seen a few shrinks - sought out alternate therapies - found a new way.  There have been a few people in this journey who I will be forever grateful to.  They don't even know how important their role has been in sending me off in a new direction.  One day I might tell them - but for now - it's still my adventure.

All I can say is that the whole process was definitely worthwhile.  I've gotten my life back.  It's not the life I probably had planned - it could even be better.

Living Life

The last month has been has been really busy.  Though the improvements are still happening, life is happening as well and that has been taking up a lot more time, time that I used to use for my blog posts.

I'm still improving my ranges and I'm still expecting to exceed the surgeons six month estimate of another 10 degrees.  I'm just over halfway to that goal on the left side and the right is just under.  

I'm still keeping up with my physio, hydro and pilates and fitting in real life around these activities.  My hours at work have increased and I'm starting my study back up again at the end of the month.  I'm not sure where this is all going to lead me but wherever that is, I'm well on my way.

I probably won't be checking in here too often as time goes on but I receive comments by email so if you have any questions about any of my posts or my experiences, please comment!

More spam...

Apparently I need some help understanding what a hip replacement is.

I received the following comment overnight:

This is surgical procedure that replaces damaged hip joints. Generally, the damage to the hip joint is due to severe osteoarthritis or possibly necrosis (defined as death of tissue) of the hip joint.

No shit, Sherlock.

It's spam for a Las Vegas ortho centre.  Not really very appropriate.  I had kept an earlier comment from this person as they had offered encouragement as well as posting their site but following this, I got rid of both.  I have no problem with people providing comments that relate to what the post is about and linking to their website especially if they have expertise in the the area.

Comments like this show that they haven't actually read the posts properly, nor have any real respect for me or my readers.

If you want me to link to your site, please contact me and offer some content that is of benefit to my readers or actually read the posts and provide some real information that is at least interesting.  I'm interested in talking hips and I'm sure my readers are too - it's not too difficult to engage people by providing content that they actually want.  You are wasting your time telling me what a hip replacement is.

If I don't know what it is by now....

Another MOM bashup

Today Tonight and their 'ethical' reporting have done an article on ASR and other MOM hip replacements.  It's reminiscent of the article that ABC aired a little while ago.  They took it a step further and made it sound like all MOM devices were trouble in their usual sensationalist style.  The class action that has been launched against Du Puy is the catalyst for the article and once again, they fail to address and report any positives of MOM devices nor do they report the exceptional success rates of other MOM devices in the hands of top surgeons.

My comments on the earlier ABC article on MOM resurfacing.
McMinn addresses MOM on the resurfacing site.

I know what Today Tonight is like and I shouldn't let it bother me.  It's irresponsible reporting at it's finest and it really makes me mad.

Would I recommend bilateral BMHRs?

johnnybravo84 said...
Hi Lori, I'm in need of bilateral hip replacement due to Avascular Necrosis in both femoral heads. My Doctors in Madison, Wisconsin, USA, has advised me to consider BMHR and am thinking about flying overseas to get it. Have looked at Dr. McMinn in Birmingham, UK and Dr. Bose in Chennai, India. Just wondering if you would summerize your entire experience thus far as a good one. Also, would you advise to do both hips at once, or did it prove to be somewhat "too much"? Thanks in advance for your reply!

Short answer:  Yes, the experience has been positive for me and I think if you can do both at once, it is worth serious consideration.

The long answer:  Even though I had a pretty rough time immediately post-op, I don't regret the decision that I made.  I made the right decision and I am already seeing just how much more I will be able to do.  I'm not a medical professional and my experiences are my own and are going to be individual to my particular case but I hope that sharing these will help others in both the decision making and rehabilitation process.

I'm happy to hear that your doctors have given you options that aren't just within their realm of expertise and services that they provide.  From some of the stories that I have heard, it isn't the norm unfortunately.  If you are a candidate for a BMHR, I would certainly recommend this over a THR based two things that were important to me: the BMHR is more bone conserving allowing for easier revision many many years in the future and the information I've read indicates that there are less restrictions on this prosthesis as compared to many total hip devices.   If '84 is your year of birth, I'd give your doctor's suggestion some serious thought.  Conserve as much bone as you can - you don't know what will be around in 20+ years when you need revision.

As part of the pre-op process, I signed authority to the surgeon to make the final call on this once he'd cut.  There was a small chance that I would need a total hip.  I wouldn't have wanted just any surgeon make this call. It was the first question I asked when I woke up.  I probably got a little too invested in the BMHR being the solution for me but my research had made me extremely positive about this option as being the 'one' for me.

My reasons for requiring hip replacement were related to damage caused by juvenile arthritis.  The damage had been there for a large number of years and my body had been compensating for this damage for almost as many years.  It has been explained to me that how our bodies recover very much depends on the condition that we are going in.

I don't know much about AVN so it really is hard for me to compare our experiences so that I can  have a guess at how well you will feel post surgery.  The two surgeons that you have mentioned are leaders in the field and I am sure that they will be able to give you a far better indication as to when you will be up for travelling home after the surgery.

I have seen a lot of information relating to travel and surgery on a discussion forum called Surface Hippy though most relates to BHRs.  Though not completely the same there are a lot of similarities in our recovery processes and some of the experiences that the members who have AVN and travelled might help with your decision making process.  The people are awesome there and no matter which decision that you make, I would highly recommend posting your question as they will have a lot of helpful things to add about the process that might differ from mine.

I have come across one BMHR lady who travelled on a forum.  It's only relatively new and there aren't as many people there so I'm not sure how successful you will be in contacting her there.  Rosemary references being a part of the yahoo group hipresurfacingsite so she may respond to a message there.  (I haven't really used yahoo groups as I loved the surface hippy group of people)  She travelled to McMinn for a ceramic BMHR recently and had her early recovery time in the UK away from home.  If you can find her, I'm sure that her story will be of great interest to you.   From what I can gather she spent about four weeks in the UK before travelling.  I would expect for bilateral, it should be at least that.  At that time, I don't think I could have handled a long plane trip home though from the stories I have read, many resurfacing patients have done it sooner - so it is possible.

You can't get better than Bose or McMinn.  There are a few others in their league though given the choice and that you have to travel anyway, why not go for the best!  McMinn was involved with the development of the BMHR and has the longest history of using them.  If you haven't already, read every page of his website! 

I believe that I couldn't have coped with one at a time as I would have chosen my right side to be done first, my left unoperated leg would have been the 'good' leg, the one that I would rely on a lot more.  I don't think it would have held up and actually quickly become the one that let me down and caused pain.  I don't think that I would have had the same opportunity for long term successes with one at a time, though this is really a gut feeling.  Unfortunately there is no 'control group' for scientific exploration of what is the best option for anyones exact particular experiences.   

The one thing that I wish I knew going in was that I was allergic to the hard drugs.  If I hadn't of had the hallucinations and nausea from the endone and oxycontin, I think that I would have had a bit more of a kick start the recovery process.  It might not have put me too much ahead now and there will be little difference by the time my new parts are a year old but I think that mentally/emotionally I would have been better off.  Major surgery is major surgery and if you have trouble with the meds or any other complications it's going to happen with one side or two.   Both at once means that your risk periods are going to finish at the same time and at twelve months you are going to have two new hips working well where as if you did one, the old one will probably need to be done by then starting the whole process over again.

Attitude is a big part of the recovery process for bilats.  You need to be prepared to put in the hard yards and fight to stay positive and do whatever you need to do get the best possible outcomes.  It is harder but I don't think it's 'twice' as hard.  There were moments where I thought I made the wrong decision though this was in the early days where I just felt like absolute shit.  I think the memories of this are already fading though as my husband chastised me the other day for saying something was worse than hip replacement (Mildly of course!).  He couldn't understand how I could speak so flippantly about that time.  I guess the good that I can see now outweighs that time so much so that the memories have faded. 

I really thought it would be easier than what it was.  In that regard, my expectations were a little unreasonable.  Time is the only thing that I've been off with though.  Everything else is looking great and I don't regret it at all.  In a way, my timing was right as the other set expectation was that at three months out, I was no worse of than pre-op.  At that time I was significantly better in a number of areas.  I guess that I just didn't quite realise exactly what that would mean.  The piece of wisdom that can be gleaned from this, it is probably not wise to set conflicting expectations!

I did this at the best time for me and the outcomes so far have been stellar.  I'm no longer on pain or anti-inflammatory meds.  I have a range of movement that I don't ever remember having.  I'm already doing things that I couldn't do before and though these might seem minor to some, these are huge to me.  I still have another 7 months of improvements before the progress levels off and I'm expecting big things!

I wish you well on your search for information to help make your decision.  Please feel free to ask any other questions that you might have.  Please keep us posted as to what you decide to do and how you go!

Surgical Review Day

I was actually on time to see Paul this morning even though it has probably been the earliest appointment that I have ever had at the clinic.  Some of the muscles are already better than they were pre-op and everything else is coming along nicely.  I was pretty confident that the day was going according to schedule when I arrived in at the hospital before 10am even after stopping for a takeaway coffee on the way.

I headed into QScan to get the x-rays required for my appointment, only their machine was broken and I had to find my way to QLD X-ray to have them done.  After a few navigational errors, I found myself ready for a long wait.  At a few minutes before my appointment I wasn't sure that I was going to make it since my x-rays hadn't come back yet.  Thankfully the surgeon's office was still going to let me come to see him even though I was late.  A few people had already been delayed by the same issue so it turned out ok.  I really should have gone to have them done on a completely different day to allow for things to go wrong and though I would have been disappointed to reschedule, I would have understood.

The surgeon is happy with my progress so far and I got told to keep doing what I'm doing.  The x-rays look good and I'm due again for review on 9 April next year.  Providing there isn't anything requiring closer monitoring, I will go onto an annual review schedule from there on in.  

I asked the question about the ranges and was told that I'm actually doing ok with them and will continue to see improvements until at least the 12 month mark.  How far I actually get is going to depend on not only what I do, but the condition pre-operatively is going to affect the outcomes.  I did understand this going in and already everything is better than it was going in, but I am still optimistic that there is more that I can get out of this.  The flexion estimate is about another 10 degrees active (around 100 - 105 degrees).  Apparently what I have now is on par with the outcomes of a lot of total hips that are in the condition that mine were pre-operatively.  I see this as a positive sign for my progress this far.  It makes me feel a little bit better about not being on par with the BHRs and other resurfacing components on a number of discussion groups.  This doesn't often bother me, but every now and then it's nice to be reminded not to compare too closely.  I started off a long way behind them and I think that in the long run I will be far better off as I don't have the 'hey day' to compare my achievements with.  I was never a ballet dancer or a taekwondo black belt that I'm aspiring to be again. These people are likely to recover to a higher standard as they are likely to be in better condition going in but the loss of even just a little bit is going to hurt.  I am all gains, which to me, seems to be the better view.

I also saw a ceramic BMHR.  I even touched it.  They are pretty.  I think my shiny MOM component is better looking but the ceramic is nice (Not that you choose these items for cosmetic reasons!).  Dr Journeaux has done one of these in the public health system so far.  They haven't been approved for use by the private system yet even though the MOM's are (Of those his count is over a hundred and for the BHRs, I think it was nearing a thousand).  Still early days for all surgeons doing them though it is all positive (I linked to McMinn's info on the Ceramic BMHR over the weekend).  There are no revisions for BMHRs for my surgeon at this time which I think is a really good sign.  It means it's tracking well with the longer term statistics available for the BHR.

There are always changes in this field and regardless of what happens next, I got what I needed and at the right time.  The common consensus seems to be that it will be for a long time too!

I'm starting to get a little tired.  Probably due to the change in routine for today.  Though I tried to get to sleep at a normal hour last night, it really didn't work out since I'm used to later nights and later mornings.  I'm sure I've probably missed something in the summary of today, so feel free to ask questions.  If I think of anything more I'll add a new post later!

Surgical Review and Physio

Tomorrow is my next surgical review.  I'm a little nervous.  I shouldn't be as my progress has been steady and I've been doing a lot to work towards getting the most out of the surgery and I have been happy with the results so far.  I also know that I am going to get so much more out of this than I ever imagined.  It's difficult to explain why I'm nervous at all.  The closest thing I can relate it to is maybe parental approval, though that's not quite it.  Besides my surgeon is way to young for that!  If I figure it out, I'll let you know.

It will be an early start tomorrow for a work day (well for me anyway!).  I kick off at 8:30am at physio with Paul before I head in to the hospital to have xrays done in advance of my appointment.  I don't actually see the surgeon until 11:30am but I'm not sure how long it will take at xray as you just turn up and wait your turn.  It means that I'll have a new CD of images of my new parts too.  There really shouldn't be anything new to show there but it is kind of cool anyway.

This will be the first time that I've seen Paul since before the operation too.  It will be interesting to have his thoughts on the differences he sees.  He has seen me quite a bit when I have been at the clinic to see Reese and also outside of the clinic, so he has a good idea of where I'm at but treating will actually give a little bit of a different perspective.

I'll be back at Milton later in the day to get some work done and hopefully wrap a few things up that will leave me free towards the end of the week to start to get ready for my sister's wedding on Sunday afternoon.  It's going to be a great week.

What to say...

I've struggled with this post.  I've tried to write it a couple of times but the words just won't come together.  I'm at a bit of a loss to explain a negative experience that I've had and do wonder if I should just leave it be and keep going with my life as it needs to be or think about it a little longer and share it with people who might be going through something similar.

I have had a lot of really positive experiences over the past week and I do wonder if it is just the contrast that has upset me, that perhaps it wasn't such a 'big deal' and I have made it into one.  I know that I need to accept that some people just won't be able to understand what I've been through and the journey that I am still on and this ignorance isn't necessarily malicious.  It could even be argued that it's because I don't complain enough and make my limitations known more obviously that I shouldn't be hurt when they are overlooked by people that I think should know better.

I've never been comfortable complaining about the things that I can't do.  At some level, I didn't really want people to know the extent of my limitations and as such there were very few that actually knew what it really was like pre-op.  These people were limited to those that 'needed' to know.  The rest would probably knew something was going on but didn't really 'get it' and I never really elaborated.  Post-op, things have gone really well and the limitations that I had pre-op are diminishing quickly but you can't get rid of two decades worth of limitations and compensations in a couple of months.

After such an awesome week, it was a little confronting to be isolated because I still couldn't do something.   The isolation was made more difficult when I was made to feel like I was causing trouble by 'snobbing' the rest of the group.  This has been one of the lowest points I've had for quite a while, one where I felt extremely alone.  A phone call and a tweet helped me to get through the rest of the evening.  I guess that all the other unnecessary tension at the event made me a little on edge to start with and as such I was probably not quite as well prepared for criticism as I usually would be.

Some of the people that I truly expected to understand haven't.   I guess that I had higher expectations of them that were perhaps unreasonable.  

The people that have truly been there for me have been amazing.  You know who you are.  Thank you. 

Ceramic BMHRs

The McMinn Centre has released some information about the Ceramic BMHR.  This is pretty exciting for people that have metal allergies that preclude them from being suitable candidates for the MOM BMHR or resurfacing.  I'm sure we'll see more information about this prosthesis as it becomes available!