The girl in the video...

I cried for her today as I watched the videos of her learning to walk again. 

She was taking small steps.  Carefully placing each foot on the masking tape line as she took each step while she held onto the rails either side of her that supported some of her weight so the whole effort was even possible.

Mostly there was a look I'd call resigned. I couldn't see the determination behind her eyes that I expected to see as she took each step...  Over and over again.

It hurt to watch.  I went forward a few months as she walked with a cane.  Barely a walk.  It was uncomfortable to watch.  I thought I could still see resignation - none of the desire to do more that should have been there. There was a moment in one where she jokes with the person filming and I see a spark of personality...  Something that I couldn't see in any of the other clips.

I kept going forward to where she walks without the cane and the walk still doesn't look natural.  I think about her thoughts that it might be the best she could ever be as the person filming her encourages her to lift her knees just a little more and tells her she's done well.

I cried because I felt the pain, the fear, the darkness, all of the emotions from those experiences when I watched her.  She feels like a stranger, a person that doesn't exist anymore that has no bearing on who I am now.  It's only now that I see her as a stranger that I feel compassion for her, feel that she is worthy of having someone listen to her fears and share her triumphs.

I'm not even sure how I got to where I was in the last video taken in 2012 to where I am today.  What I'm really not sure of is how some of the people who are closest to me haven't noticed the difference.  

I'm even more proud of what I've accomplished in the last few months when I look back and see exactly how far I've really come and I wonder where I could be and what I'll see in a few years when I look back at where I am today.  I hope I feel joy and strength and know that it is mine and that I am worthy of it.

My Walking Stick

After my conversation with Reese at Hydro last week about moving to a cane / walking stick, I figured that I would get one of the cool ones that I spoke of way back in March when I saw a girl about the same age as me with one.  She had the one called Poppies.  I liked Bubbles (like the picture here) and called around the retailers to find one in stock.  The company that makes them is called Switch Sticks and you can buy from them but they don't have an e-commerce site, it's the old school print and fax the form.  Besides, I really wanted it today so I could take it to physio with me tomorrow.

In the search I found that there was a little gift store just up the road from where I am doing some work at Milton called Michaela's Gifts and Homewares.  (Couldn't find a website but the link goes to the True Local Listing).  It's a great little place that I will go back to the next time I'm looking for a little gift for someone that is a little bit different from the everyday.  There are a few other gift type stores that stock these canes around the places that I travel, though none had the Bubbles design that I could look at as I was pretty sure that was the one that I wanted.

I have had a go walking with it and it is a lot more difficult than using the crutch and will take some practice and strength.  I can feel that it is the next progression from a single crutch before walking unassisted.

Back to work planning

Today I went into my old office to plan going back.  This is a little bit more complicated than just going back to work since I don't really have a full time job to go back to.  This was one of the reasons that we decided to have the operation now.  There may be some opportunities to increase my work load but it really will be a case of wait and see.  To start off with I am increasing my one day to three days a week and starting a new project.  In a lot of ways it's good because I can go back sooner than I would had I been trying to go back to a full time position.  I'm not sure I have the energy yet for a full time job as well as the rehabilitation exercises that I still need to do.  The positive side of this arrangement is that I have all week to get everything done.  About 25% of it needs to be done by Wednesday and ideally I would have it all finished by then but I do have some room to juggle things around a bit.  The juggling room will let me make sure that I get all of my exercises done.  I know that I have more activity on the days that I go out but this doesn't cover all of the muscles that really need to be worked each day.  I've heard stories of people that don't continue with the rehab and are limited because of it.

I'm at 10 weeks post op tomorrow.  Statistically 80% of the improvements happen within the first 12 weeks, so I really need to make sure that I follow the program and stretch it out.  I guess it is all averages out though and there are a lot of people's stories that I have read who are up an walking a few miles within a month.  Surely that has to sway things the other way a bit and I'm just on the other side right?  The ones that still see steady improvement over a longer period of time in the beginning.

I'm not sure if it is my imagination or whether there are some real changes in the last few days.  I'll ask Reese when I see him at hydro in the morning.  Today I felt good so I know that I can push a little bit more in the session tomorrow.  The knot in my shoulder has almost worked it's way out and my burn doesn't hurt anymore so it's been a good day.

Pain Management and Healing: Part II

After the abysmal failure of oxycontin and endone, a solution of ibuprofen and panadeine forte was suggested (all at the highest possible daily doses).  I was a little scared of the ibuprofen as some of the nurses had gone on about it upsetting my stomach again.  I was already on maxalon to stop vomiting and I didn't want anything that could start that again.  I asked the doctor if I could take the Voltaren again instead.  One said yes, one said that the Voltaren was more harsh on the stomach.  The reason that I had asked is that I new that I didn't have any adverse affects to it and while I was still in a paranoid sick state, I really didn't want to take any more risks.  In the end I tried it and it was ok.  I was still on the maxalon for a while as I still had nausea problems when I ate (though that very well could have been a problem with hospital food - not actually meds or illness).  Together the ibruprofen and panadeine worked out and there weren't any further adverse reactions.

There was some other drug that I could try if this didn't work out though from what I can gather the back up plan wasn't a favourable one.  In the beginning as I got closer to the times when I was due to have medication, I would wait on it.  I knew when it was due as the discomfort was increasing.  I never waited so long that it was unbearable, though there was one day when they were just over an hour late and I was stuck in a chair in my room when I really was ready to press the buzzer again almost at the point where I thought I couldn't handle it anymore.  I still wouldn't say that the pain was high on the pain scale, maybe a five, but I was exhausted and I felt like I didn't have the strength to hold my body up any more and everything was uncomfortable and I wanted to move but I couldn't.    I had learnt the hard way that the doctors were right, staying on top of the meds at that point was important to my rehabilitation.  There was no way that I was doing anything that afternoon for at least three or four hours while I rested and got on top of things again.  Normally I would have done another set of my physio exercises.

In the last week or so we started to cut down the amount of codeine that I was having, so the panadeine forte was changed to panamax and codeine tablets.  I didn't notice a huge difference.  During a big rehab day, I'd say I was more aware of the joints but overall I wouldn't say that the pain had increased.  There certainly wasn't any sharp pain anymore, just occasionally a dull ache which was only a one or two on the pain scale and significantly less than what I was used to pre-op.  I had started to be able to stretch some of the muscles a little and as my overall wellbeing improved, my confidence in my body also started to improve.  I think that this was the turning point for getting results as I was less tentative in trying to trigger point tight areas (obviously within reason - I wasn't digging into the wound just yet) and moving more (within the range of restriction).  As muscles loosened, I felt that I could do more and it felt like the joint was moving more freely and with more control.  Exercises like heel slides on the left and abduction were still difficult to start off but I could do a lot more without assistance and I could now visibly see some definite results.   The more I could do, the better my body felt.

Pain Management and Healing: Part I

I have touched on the issue of pain management in some of my other posts though the issue really does need a bit more attention as it really is a major issue in my history, decision making process, post operatively and even now as I am on the recovery path.  Since I've been asked recently about my current pain levels, I'll start with the present and work my way backwards.

Today, I'm taking Panadol Osteo at night before bed.  It's nothing really.  I've gone without it for a couple of nights in the last week or so as well.  Since I've been home, I've been choosing the level of medication that I require on a day to day basis.  After two decades of managing pain I get it right most of the time.  Throughout the rehabilitation process they tell you it's important to stay ahead of the pain as it's more difficult to fix the problem after it's gotten too bad.  Bad pain also restricts the amount of exercise that you are doing which can delay recovery times so it makes sense to manage the medication carefully.  On the flip side of this, I want to be off medication.  Being off anti-inflammatories was one of the hopeful outcomes for the surgery which I have now met so I've moved the goal posts a little.  It won't be the end of the earth though if I need to take two panadol at night for the rest of my life.  It certainly is better than the other meds that barely managed the pain pre-op.

The pain I have now is only muscular.   The joints don't hurt.  They move freely and don't grind or stop me from moving.  I'd say that the pain that is left is probably similar to work-out pain (without straining anything).  If the worst pain I had pre-op was a ten, I'd say today was only one or at most a one and a half. (I'm sure that there are things more painful that my worst flare but for the sake of the scale, I'm putting the worst one up the top end and working down from there)  I'm completely worn out and everything feels fatigued but it isn't real pain.  There is the friendly muscle ache going on letting me know that I did work hard today and my body really has had enough for the day.  Every now and then it's a little sharp if I sit too long and stretching and moving will help release it out.

A lot of the exercises that I am doing are to build the hip flexors and hip stabilisors.  To work these a lot of other muscles are getting a work out as well.  Pretty much everything around that area needs to be stretched out as it gets tight.  The adductors are some of the worst offenders.  Gluteals, quads and hamstrings are pretty close behind.  The muscles that are above the top of the pelvic bone on the right side are getting a bit of a look in at the moment too as I am practicing walking on one crutch. Knees ache and are swollen a bit more than normal.  They are getting a work out too given my gait has changed as I'm straightening up and not compensating as I used to pre-op.  As the muscles strengthen, I'm able to do more before things get worn out.

Over the years of working with Paul at Body Leadership, I have learnt a lot of skills to help relieve muscle pain.  Squeeze, Stretch, Trigger, Move are the four tenets of body maintenance and when applied make a massive difference to how my whole body feels.  I probably won't explain this anywhere near as well as either Paul or Reese would but I know what I'm supposed to do and they check in regularly to make sure that I'm doing everything properly and add in extra stretches and exercises to my program. Trigger pointing myself isn't anywhere near as effective as when either of those guys are doing it either, though it does make a huge difference.  Pain is more easily managed with the help of these guys.  I can't wait until I can comfortably lie on both sides on the beds at the clinic so that I can get all my connective tissue released.  The thought of all the muscles all loose and nice feels like floating which would be awesome right now!

When I'm in bed I can lie on the wound on either side. The time limit before I have to move is a couple of hours so I am waking to move still and as time goes on, I can stay mostly asleep to move so my sleep feels less interrupted and I wake feeling like I have actually slept.  It's probably close now as I can comfortably rub a moisturiser into it and put quite a bit of pressure into it.  Apparently this is good thing to do while the scar tissue is still pliable to try and minimise it.  I've only really just started this in the last week or so as I've been pretty tentative with it until I was sure it wouldn't hurt.  I don't think I'm going to end up with a really big scar anyway as it looks like the surgeon has done an awesome job putting me all back together again.  The line is quite a fine line and a lot less than I would have expected when you consider how deep the incision would have been to get down to the femur.

When I arrived home from hospital, I was taking the maximum dose of ibrupofen and panamax.  The dose of codeine that I was taking had been cut down to 60mg at night and three lots of 30mg through the day.  30mg is what is in a single Panadeine forte tablet.  Codeine is an opiate and it isn't one of the common ones they use for pain management for this surgery apparently.  The narcotics usually prescribed are oxycontin and endone which I couldn't take as I had a bad reaction to them.

I hadn't really thought of Panadeine Forte as a stong pain killer.  I guess that's because if I had used them pre-op to handle pain and I thought that post-op the pain would be so much worse and I'd need something so much stronger.  Surprisingly I didn't.  The surgical pain really wasn't that bad.  Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have wanted to put too much pressure on the wounds in the early days but mostly the site was numb around the wound.  It isn't completely back to normal yet but it isn't numb like it was then.

Every now and then there was a quick sharpness but it didn't last.  I like to think of it as the point where the nerves that were healing were first taking the electrical impulses through them and that first sharp pain is the first one as it pushes through the damaged piece the first time to forge the new pathway.  I'm not sure how it really works but the visual of that made the whole thing a bit more positive in my mind.

The most pain I ever had was the second night in the ortho ward and it wasn't in my hips or legs.  It ended up being my back from being in one place for so long without moving.  The first night I still had the PCA to help out but the second night it was gone (I think the PCA is the name for it.  It is the button that you can press to self administer drugs straight into your drip.)  The night it was gone things weren't as comfortable.  I'd also lost the air mattress thing that I had in ICU and they don't roll you in the ward to help relieve the pressure.  The next day I managed to get the air mattress back and that made all of the difference.  Over the next few days I could move a bit more, they got my haemoglobin under control and sorted out meds that worked and I was starting to sleep for a couple of hours at a time which helped.  I think this is the main reason that the goal is to get you up and moving the day after surgery.  Unfortunately when that doesn't happen, muscles start to tighten up and within two days muscles start to weaken.  So I guess the moral of the story is to at least try to get up the first time the physios come in.  If it works out, you'll be so much better off.

When I moved to the rehab ward, the back pain moved to further up the back.  I'd lost the air mattress topper again but the pain was likely from poor posture while using the rollator.  The muscles across the middle were really tight and difficult to stretch out.  I found that the solution was a rolled up towel that I lay on as it ran down the length of my spine and my shoulders could fall back over it and get a good stretch.

28 Days Post Op: Going Home Day

Today was the last day that I would be woken at 6:00am, 6:15am, 6:30am, 6:45am, 7:00am and 7:15am at which point I would usually be kicked out of bed.  Hospitals are like alarm clocks set by some evil person for an ungodly hour with a snooze button that keeps going until you are forced out of bed.  Going home day is exciting as well as a little bit daunting.  I was pretty confident that I was ready for it, though it is hard to know how I'll be able to handle everything until I got here and settled into a routine again.  I think it might take a few days to get to that point.

Prior to leaving the rehab doctor came passed to ask about the drama that we had last weekend.  Since I was actually at the point of getting out of there, I didn't see the harm in talking about the issues that we had.  I didn't really want to get into it while I was still there as I didn't want to have to deal with people that I have had issues with if they knew that I had made a complaint about them.  The doctor wants to address issues like these when they happen so that they can be fixed.  I understand what he was saying and had I been at a fully fit and independent state, I might have done so but having to still have to stay there and be reliant on these people, I really didn't want to rock the boat.  They were still able to identify the bad advice nurse since I knew what day I blogged about it.  I also told them about the 'good chance to be normal' comment and the other things that happened during the infamous physio session.  I'm not sure if there will be further training or what the repercussions will be but thankfully I won't suffer any consequences for it.  The doctor asked us to speak to the head of nursing about the issues as well, and she said that many people feel the same in relation to 'retribution' and fail to comment which doesn't help them improve the level of service provided.  Apparently it doesn't happen but I can't see how it wouldn't change the way that the spoken to person would react the next time that they had to deal with me.  Anyway it is all done now and I'm home!

On the way home we stopped past the mobility place and got the last couple of things that we needed for me at home.  I am now equipped with a granny wheely walker so that I can carry things around the house, specifically the kitchen and have a perch stool to sit in while I'm in the kitchen.    The main issue in the kitchen was that I am physically able to cook or make a cup of coffee or whatever it was, but I couldn't actually carry something out of the cupboard or the fridge as I am using both hands to use crutches.  The wheely walker means that I have a tray to put things on and both hands are still on the walker while I am walking.  Problem solved.

Stopping on the way home meant that I was in and out of the car twice which was an achievement.  Getting home seemed like an even bigger one.

27 Days Post Op: I am so outta here in the morning

Tomorrow is going home day and I have finished my in patient rehab program.  The goals have been met and I will be able to cope with being at home.  There is still work to be done to get where I want to be and that will be under the care of the fantastic people at Body Leadership Australia.  I don't mean to sound like an advertisement, I just miss them and this change over point really marks achievement (as in I've learnt the things I need to learn to cope on the outside) and a change in philosophy for my rehabilitation program to one that I am more comfortable with and positive about.

The things that I have learnt / reinforced from this hospital stay are:
Private cover is worth every penny:  I think that if I was in a shared room I would have gone absolutely crazy.  I also think that public might have discharged me sooner than now when I wouldn't have been completely prepared to go home.  (This is based on some of the horror stories that I heard over morning tea in the rehab gym - absolutely crazy - they weren't about Mater Public but even so)

Don't book in for major surgery a couple of weeks before Easter or other holiday period: Even if you think you are going to be out before the holiday period, don't risk it.  Not as many services are available during holidays even in hospitals.  I hadn't really thought that I would be in here this long though if I had of been asked before hand, I would have expected something like rehab in a rehab unit to be an essential service.  Apparently it is not.  Even in a Private Hospital.  Disappointing huh?

People who complain about TEDs have never had to wear Venosans:  TEDs are a walk in the park in comparison.  The policy of my rehab doctor is TEDs for night, Venosans for day.  I'm sure they are excellent at doing the job of keeping clots at bay and are no where near as much difficulty as a clot but it doesn't mean that I have to like them.  I certainly don't like them being put on me. (Hip restrictions means I can't do it for myself either so there have been times where I've been flicked or there has been a part that is overlapped and digging in during the process of struggling to get them up my leg.

If the nurses have reason to ask you if you want a movicol, it's probably a good idea to take it.  If you don't know what I am talking about, don't ask.  I just hope that one day if you are asked you remember this piece of advice.  Especially if you are being fed codeine.

If someone offers to bring you breakfast/lunch/dinner accept:  Don't be a martyr.  Too much hospital food has to kill you.  It can't possibly be good for you.  I have been told that this hospital has better food than the others in Brisbane.  While this may be true, four weeks of it is far too much of it.

Stand up for yourself:  You have to know what your medication is, what your treatment process is going to be and anything you are supposed to or not supposed to do and if anyone tells you otherwise, correct them.  It could be dangerous not to know.  People make mistakes.  Don't be the one to suffer from them.

Accept that you can't do it all and accept help graciously:  This is a hard lesson to learn for the independent and stubborn like me.  I'm in hospital for a reason and that reason is stopping me from being the independent person that I am.  I hate being reliant on others however that being said, I am grateful for those that helped me and didn't make me feel like I was a burden to them.  I am especially grateful to my husband who helped me at least maintain some dignity and the little sanity that I have left.  I could have done this without him and survived but I would have been somehow less me at the end of the process and very probably on anti-depressants and in worse physical shape.  I don't know how people do things like this without the kind of support that I have and I hope that I never have to find out.

I'm probably still a little close to the situation since I'm still here so I may not have figured out yet all of the things that I have learnt out of this experience.

26 Days Post Op: I'm Boring

I've got nothing.

Today was just a day.

I woke up, went to rehab, had lunch, went back to rehab, rested, had dinner and now I'm online for a while before I go to sleep.

I'm pretty worn out from a big day and I guess there will be a few more days like this until I am back on top of things.

One more full day to go tomorrow and then the next day I go home.

25 Days Post Op: The Home Visit

Today I got to go home for the first time in almost four weeks.  I went for about an hour with an occupational therapist to check things out in anticipation of me getting out of here on Friday.  My big achievements that were made today were getting in and out of a car twice, getting up my front stairs at home and getting up the inside stairs and out of the house twice.  (We really were only going to do it once as the point of the exercise wasn't to practice multiple times, just to check out how to handle things - but nothing ever goes smoothly and there were of course issues with the alarm that had to be sorted out before we could leave - typical)

We have sorted out the shower chair and I have figured out a place to put the crutches so I can get them to get out and we also sorted out the raised toilet seat as the toilet was too low and I would have violated hip restrictions without the higher seat above it.  These are the main two things that needed to be sorted out so that I can actually survive at home.  Good news was that our bed is also the right height and the only thing we really need to sort out is another comfortable chair to sit in when I am up.  We are going to look at one of those recliners that tips you out but I think we will need to go and actually look at some and see what is comfortable and high enough that doesn't dip back to much at the back of the seat.  We'll get home first and worry about that one early next week.

I am becoming more confident on crutches and though it is tiring to walk around, my stamina is increasing and I think that is making the other hurdles a little easier to overcome.  As my mobility is increasing, my hip flexors seem to be getting a little stronger as I am starting to see that there is a slight difference in the amount that I can lift my feet off the ground.  Today I spoke with the Physio that will be in charge of managing operation awesome (bugger normal!) also known as my home program and once targets are met the ongoing maintenance program.  It isn't going to be any problem at all to be re-assessed and an appropriate program written to strengthen up these stubborn little muscles that haven't yet joined the party.  I am looking forward to working with the Body Leadership Team again as I really have missed working with those guys!   Speaking of people I miss working with, I miss Pilates too - though that might be a little while before I am back to my usual schedule.  I can at least do bridges now (pelvic curls) and they are slowly getting better even if I am a little way of my pre-surgery capability.  It's unlikely that I will be using the bosu or a fit ball for a little while yet!  It's a step at a time at the moment and I know that once I'm home and under expert guidance that I will be making those steps at the right time and maximising the benefits that I will receive from the new joints in the long term.

Pain meds were reduced today and so far I am going ok.  The nights are the big test and those haven't been reduced yet so I am pretty confident that we are on the right path.  Today was a big day and so far there isn't much pain.  There is some muscle fatigue and aching though this is to be expected and isn't anything that is going to keep me awake.  I am hoping that what I feel now continues to be the worst of it as it certainly is manageable at this level and the level of activity I can do before it gets to this level is significant enough to see progress.

After the excitement of this morning I had a quiet gym session this afternoon with the regular drills.  We didn't do steps again today as there were probably as many today as the amount we did in practice yesterday.  I'm sure we will be back on them tomorrow and in the 'fine tuning' mode to work on not using the grounded leg to provide the extra clearance space required by pushing up on the toes slightly.  I'd guess and say I'm probably about an inch off that and I would expect to see that amount picked up in the next week.

All in all a good day with the slight exception of the possible cold germs that I may be carrying.  It might just be the really dry air-conditioning that is drying my throat out and causing me to start to lose my voice.  At least I hope that is all that it is and as soon as I am back in my regular environment everything will go back to normal.

It is time for sleep now.  It has been a really long day.  I hope I'm worn out enough to sleep in more than two hour blocks like last night.  Fingers crossed!

I just figured out that since I don't have to stay here all Friday and today is already gone, the countdown was actually wrong.  I only have two whole days left, Wednesday and Thursday!!

24 Days Post Op: 4 Days to go in Rehab

Today is the first day that I have been able to consistently get my feet in and out of bed.  Last night I didn't have to buzz for help to get out of bed which was completely awesome.   I also had too many chances to practice last night as I was pretty restless and was up four or five times.   Part of being able to do this is down to the fact that they forgot to lock me in for the night by putting the side rails up on my bed (they got two late transfers from another ward and were rushed of their feet - so I smiled and nodded and didn't remind them!).  Even though I had mastered the in and out of bed thing,  I would have still required assistance as you can't actually put the rails down when you are in the bed unless you are able to contort yourself over the side and lift a latch to do so which I really can't as to get to where it is placed would violate my hip precautions.  

This really was the last thing on my absolutely must do goals list before I can go home.  The extra couple of days is going to be good to solidify the progress and start to put a new plan in place as to what I want to achieve next.  I'll need to talk to my real Physio about that one and put a proper home plan in place so that I am maximising the results that I achieve.

I also had real food smuggled in for me today again.  It was awesome.  I miss real food and am counting down the hours until I can have it all of the time.  I'm not sure what my nutrition has been like while I've been here but do doubt that the meals are nutritionally balanced and designed for optimum health.  If they are, they certainly don't taste like it.  Having said that, dinner just arrived and actually looks ok.  The broccoli and carrots look real.  I might just eat those!  I still need a few more vitamins and minerals to help with the healing.

The rehab assistant turned up as we were finishing eating to take me for a walk which I politely declined opting to walk with my guests today.  It still surprises me that they have asked considering that I haven't received that level of attention on holidays before today with them expecting my husband to assist.  I wonder what has prompted the changes.  It is a little bit too late really given that I am going home in just a few days.

I had an interesting talk to a registrar today that will be presenting my case as a case study for his physician's exams.  It seems that emotional responses to chronic illness now feature as part of a patient assessment.  I'm not sure when this cropped up in the medical process but I am glad that it did and I hope that it filters throughout the medical profession as this seems to be where a big void was when I was diagnosed.  There seems to be more information sharing these days as well, making patients more informed about the medical process and what is going to happen.  It isn't completely there yet, google still helps (and probably hinders in a number of occasions) and the number of reputable medical resources online are growing.  Take Mr McMinn's site as an example of valuable medical information in relation to the procedure that I have had done.  My surgeon pointed me in this direction to find out more about the process and the prostheses which is something that couldn't and wouldn't have been done a decade ago.

Tomorrow is my home visit and I'm a little nervous about getting in and out of the car.  It's not something that I have done before and I'm not sure how I'll go.  It's something that I wish we could have tried before the actual day though there is no real way to do this without them actually organising a car and bringing it to the front of the building where the patient transfer vans pull up.   I have to decide tomorrow whether or not I should organise an ambulance to get me home or whether we should go in the car.  I'm leaning towards patient transport to get in the first time.  It also means that even though I can get up the front steps, I won't need to be able to get up them that day as I will be stretchered in and will actually be able to do some more work on building strength and mobility and be both physically and mentally prepared before we go out into the real world.  I'm a little bit worried about going out too early and not being strong enough to hold my own.  At the moment my pace is more than slow and the idea of being pushed around scares the living daylights out of me.  I'm sure like my progress so far, things will come together and I will know when it is going to be ok and until then, I'll at least be in the comfort of my own home.

I suppose it isn't surprising that I have new anxieties as the next change to my situation changes.  I have to keep reminding myself that it was a massive surgery and progress isn't going to be immediate. Apparently the mood swings are quite a normal part of the whole process.  For some reason it came up when I was talking to the rehab doctor today and he wasn't overly concerned and reminded me that I have had a major surgery and there will be emotional ups and downs as I get through the rehabilitation process.  I have been reasonably even the last 48 hours and I'm hoping to at least get through until I get home before something else sets me off.   The disparity between what the appropriate emotional response is to a catalyst to what actually happens is lessening but there is still a way to go yet.  I'm not sure I made the right decision in not following up my request to speak to a social worker or not.  I'm sure that I will work through these issues, just not sure if I should have sought more help to get there.  I guess I will see how I cope when I'm in my own environment again and just keep an eye on the mood swings and enlist the help of friends to give me the heads up if I start to head too far into a slump.  It's important that I keep a positive attitude to speed up the recovery process.

I'm still hoping that I will meet my end of June goals though right now I can't imagine walking without a mobility aid.  It's crazy that I can't because only a few days ago I couldn't imagine getting my feet into bed.  I really shouldn't have these hangups as my progress should be proving to me that I am on the right path.  I guess that's really why the physio upset me on Saturday.  Even though I really didn't have doubts that I would get there eventually, I still can't imagine progressing that far and I didn't like being told that I just had a 'good chance' as it's made me actively think about the little things that are niggling at the corners of my mind as the main part tries to stay positive and focused on what needs to be done.

23 Days Post Op: 5 Days to go in Rehab

I am pretty wrecked this afternoon.  I did a big session at the gym this morning back onto my terms and with my goals.  There seemed to be a little bit of back tracking which might be because I was more forceful about what needed to be achieved today or maybe she realised the normal comment was out of line.  I'm not sure but the positive side of things was that it went better and I achieved what I needed to achieve.  The next time I will be in the gym is Tuesday afternoon as the morning will be my home visit with my OT.  Tomorrow is yet another public holiday and I will be doing my exercises on the ward and going for walks. I have friends coming in with real food and they can take me for a walk (like a puppy *smirk*).   

The big 'I did it moment' today was getting my feet into bed twice today.  I'm not quite sure I could manage it now as everything is ready to fall asleep but I got them in - twice.  Out is pretty easy now provided the rails are down.  I'm not quite sure why they want the rails up still when I go to bed as I'm not rolling anywhere yet.  I guess it might just be one of those safety requirements that they need to follow for certain patients.  It just means that I still need to buzz the nurses when I wake up between 3 and 5am for a bathroom break so I can get out bed.   

I am allowed to get a pass out of here now to go across the street for lunch or a coffee or whatever provided that I go in the wheelchair.  My husband suggested we do this for lunch today but I wasn't keen  as I think it is already going to be hard enough to come back on Tuesday after actually going to the house.  It's probably a little backward, but I figure that if I just stick to my routine here, the days go quickly and the five days left will be over before I know it.  As it stands it's not quite even five really as I should be kicked out in the morning.  That will probably depend a lot on whether we still go for patient transport or not.  That is going to be decided on Tuesday as the getting in and out of the car thing hasn't been attempted yet.  I don't care if I have to go home in an ambulance so long as I get there and get there this Friday coming.   

22 Days Post Op: 6 Days to go in Rehab

Today was the day that I changed physios.  I'm not overly thrilled about this and I'm not completely convinced that it was my preconceptions that have caused the problem.  I wasn't looking forward to it as I work well with the guy that I was working with up until today.  Today marked a major change and apparently everything I was doing was wrong and apparently if we fix these bad habits now 'there is a good chance you can be normal'.  Bah.  Who says stuff like that?  There was never any doubt in my mind that I am going to be normal.  I despise that word and it doesn't accurately convey my meaning.  There was never any doubt in my head that the outcome would be positive.....  until now.  It annoys me (much stronger language), that yesterday was such a positive day and I was ready to smash it again today.

I understand the philosophy of getting things done the right way the first time, however, there are some times where you need to just figure out a way to do something to cope with life.  I've been doing this for twenty years.  It might not be normal but you know what, I had a good life.  Saying I might end up normal implies that I wasn't.  This might not be how it was meant though it really was a freaking stupid thing to say.  I'll do what I need to do to cope for now and then I will go back to working with my regular awesome physios who will correct me without being condescending, who will actually work with me to not only cope and get through life but achieve the positive outcomes that I am determined to achieve and who will listen to me when times get tough and inspire me to keep going.  I will believe them because I trust their sincerity and their professional skills.  There will be no fake platitudes as they will actually know what my progress has been like and be skilled enough to know what my limits are and help me push through them without making me feel like a failure. (eg setting realistic targets, one step at a time, letting me be involved in my own program and understanding how we need to get where we need to go).  Two of  my best friends, one being my husband, want me to request a change from the new physio and I'm not keen to do so while I'm here.  I know this might seem like I'm going back on my idea of being your own advocate but I don't want to rock the boat when I'm so close to being out of here and being in charge of my life again.  I will be mentally prepared for tomorrow and I won't let it upset me again.  I'm sure that the current physio knows her stuff and her methods work with some people but they don't work with me.  There are only four days of gym left before going home and I can grin and bear it.  I'll try my best and do what I have to do to be the model patient.   If I can wrangle it, one of them might be able to be a handover session.  I'm going to ask about that tomorrow and see what is possible.  I am not a failure and I won't give her the power to make me feel like one.

The big thing we need to cope with is stairs and my home visit on Tuesday.  Frankly it doesn't matter if the heel on the bottom leg lifts a little from the ground to get the top leg onto the stair at this point.  (My quads are strong, I have good balance and am stable so it isn't a falls risk)  I am working on hip flexor strength to lift the leg and it might not be where it needs to be by Tuesday, so what should we do?  Skip the home visit?  Delay going home?  I'd like to swear here but I have refrained from doing so thus far with this blog (at least I think I have), so I won't though I am sure you know full well what I'd like to say here.  28 Days in hospital is enough for me.  I'm out of here.  I'll get in the freaking house any freaking way I can and then once I'm in I'll work at it until I get to where I need to be.

I have so many bad habits from years of compensating for my diseased bone on bone hip joints.  I have already gotten rid of one and am working on the others that appear as I get fatigued.  Apparently it's better to do nothing than something if it is wrong.  I'm not a professional and not qualified to comment about anything but my own experience.  I disagree with that particular professional opinion that this is the case in all situations.  Obviously you don't want to do something the wrong way if it will cause injury or possibly cause stability to be affected thus increasing the risk of a fall but the fact of the matter is I am going to need to compensate to some degree until I heal fully and my strength returns.  For my mental health it is better for me to try something and at least achieve it even if I did 'cheat' this time and work on doing it properly especially if it means that I can actually get inside my house.  I also think it's better for me to be moving even if the range isn't up to what it should be.

Isn't it better for me to at least try to continue rather than give up?  If I had of done that I wouldn't have done any exercises as up until a few days ago I needed freaking assistance to actually get pretty much any of it done.  From the very beginning of my rehab I've asked to give things a go even though I knew I wouldn't be able to do it completely, I just wanted to see how far I could get and how close I was.  When I couldn't quite get there I was getting encouragement and we would work on it and you know what, the next day it was a little bit easier and I could do it a little bit better.  If you beat the will to try out of someone in rehab you aren't going to get good results.  Mentally the patient has to want it and want to be there otherwise what's the point?  

21 Days Post Op: 7 Days to go in Rehab

Wiped out from rehab today.
Had a good day, worked hard and progressed.
Will need to update tomorrow - need nap time.....

20 Days Post Op: 8 Days Left in Rehab

Today the target of going home next Friday has been finalised so the countdown is on.  Obviously this requires a couple of targets to be met.  The big one is the stairs.  Both my Physio and Occupational Therapist agree with me in thinking that this really is a reasonable target that I can meet.  

There have been a couple of positive changes today.  The main one that I noticed is that I didn't require assistance to complete some of the bed exercises which I have been getting a little bit of help with.  It wasn't easy and I wasn't working to my full range, though I was still actually getting somewhere with them which wasn't happening yesterday.  Mostly it was the right leg that I was needing light assistance with for the leg bends where you keep your heel on the bed and for the abduction for the left just to get started off.  I got through them today without assistance which was awesome.  Some of the reps didn't quite look as good as the assisted ones but the milestone is actually being able to do them.  I'm hoping this is an indicator that not only am I getting stronger but that my brain is connecting it all together properly so progression will continue along at a speedy rate.

I have started on little steps today, ones that are about half the size of normal steps so at least I am started on the path towards getting out of this place.  I had two sessions down in the gym today that involved a lot more practice on crutches.  I am getting a little more stable and can already see the difference from when I started yesterday.  I'm still a little way off using them unsupervised.  Unfortunately I change Physio's next week as the person that I have been working with for the last two weeks was actually a locum to replace the person who is actually assigned to me.  It is a bit of a shame as I have a good working relationship with my current Physio and I think that he knows what I am capable of and what to push me to do so that we are seeing results.  (It wasn't his fault that the gym was closed and he wasn't scheduled to work!)  I am sure that the other one is good - it just takes time to get into a routine and build a working relationship with a new person and I don't want that time to detract from the benefit from time that I spend with the Physio.

It looks like I will be going on a home visit with the OT next Tuesday where we will go through everything in the house and see what additional aids I might need to purchase or have installed to assist with me living back at home.  I think that we have an idea of most things that will be required, though there may be some little things that I hadn't considered.  We will need to test things out like getting in and out of the shower, moving around the kitchen and even getting in and out of bed.   It's amazing how many little things that you take for granted and it isn't until you do something like this that you realise the full magnitude of what you need to adjust in your life.  I had wrongly assumed that the limitations that I had before and the things that I had learnt to overcome difficulties would be all of the same things and I would be fine.  It turns out that even though I am reasonably well prepared, there is more than that and I am now aware of what I need and will continue to need for the next month or so as I continue to heal.

19 Days Post Op: On Crutches

Today all of the physios and occupational therapists were back at work so it was a busy day.

The day started of with the cancellation of my home visit with the occupational therapist, which wasn't completely surprising as I commented in a post a couple of days ago.  I haven't started with stairs and I need to get up seven before I can actually get into the house.  I thought she still might have gone to check things out but apparently that is only needed if major changes need to be made.  This started of the cascade of tears, even though I knew I couldn't go and for a little while longer while I explained why I am so upset about the whole thing.

I've always been a fan of keeping someone's expectations low and then over delivering so that they are thrilled by the improved time line.  It doesn't work like that in hospitals.  I will have missed two check out dates on Friday and this makes me feel like failure even though logically I know that the dates were unlikely to be met by any bilateral especially given the holiday period.  (The second one might have been possible if it weren't for all of the public holidays) I was also down because no one could tell me what my interim goals are.  I want to see progress and have something to measure by.

I need to know that something is happening and be involved with my own recovery plan.  This can be the little things that change in my rehab program like adding in side stepping or marching or getting dressed without my husband's assistance or whatever, just so I know what the progression by smaller more achievable goals that I can take pride in what I have accomplished and used it as a means to stay positive and focused on the development path.  I also need to know about what needs to be done at home before I get there.  I need to regain control of my situation and have things to take charge of rather than being so reliant on others to sort things out for me.  I don't like that and I don't think it is good for me.  It makes sense to me and I don't understand why there isn't more patient involvement in the recovery process.  I believe that ownership really is a big part of maximising the returns of the process.  I mean where would I be now without the 'prehab' or without the second gym session each day, both things that I have done or pushed for myself that haven't been requested of me?  Scary to think that I might not even be where I am now.  How many more weeks in here would I be looking at?

In my gym sessions today we started on crutches.  They aren't the easiest things to master, mostly because I am completely uncoordinated.  This has absolutely nothing to do with the surgery.  It usually takes time for my brain to figure out things like this the first time.  I was a little wobbly and I think that I am going to need a fair bit of practice to be confident that I am not going to fall on my face but I am a little more positive about the whole thing than I was yesterday.  I think that because things were starting to drag out so much longer than I thought they would I was starting to get a little afraid of how difficult things would be and maybe that I wasn't strong enough and I would end up injured.  I think this links back to my earlier comments about involvement.  If I know the path, I can deal with it.  When I don't know what the hell is going on and what I'm going to do I end up dwelling on what I can't do and making it a much bigger issue that it probably is.  I'm not sure if I am just a control freak with issues, or whether this is normal in the situation that I'm in now.

I needed a nap after this mornings session and woke up reasonably refreshed.  This makes me happy for the sole reason that I have worked to capacity and had accomplished a lot more today.  I went back down in the afternoon and had another go at it all and am tired again now so hopefully I should sleep well.

The OT came back again this afternoon and went through what she thinks the plan should be to work towards going home.  She's pretty much in tune with what I think it realistic, as in the end of next week, and has started to plan to work with me to achieve that goal.  We will be covering more functional things like actually getting by day today at home without having so much assistance with things like meals and being in an environment that isn't completely accessible.  

I feel like we might actually be getting somewhere now.

18 Days Post Op: Bad Advice

I've had a rant in the past about being your own advocate.  I was on that warpath again this morning after a 2:00am argument with a nurse, who told me to do something that clearly violates the 'Bilateral Hip Precautions' sign that sits on top of my bed.  I could have done what she instructed me to do which some people would I guess but I didn't.  It was bad advice and I wasn't going to take any risks with my new hips.

Basically she wasn't fit enough to assist me to get my feet in and out of bed and was trying to get me to put the stronger right foot under the left to move it off the bed. (I really don't require a great deal of assistance, it's down to gentle guiding as I am holding most of my weight now - at best guess from my best helper, when I'm tired it would be lucky to be a kilo and a half of weight).  What she wanted me to do was in clear violation of the hip precautions as I am not to cross either foot past the mid-line.  I have been given at least a dozen worksheets with pictures with large crosses through them that have people with crossed legs just in case I don't quite understand the concept.  This shouldn't be anything new to this woman as this ward is for rehab and there are always hips being done here.  Maybe there is only one bilateral a year, but even so, it's pretty clear as to what I shouldn't be doing. I said I wasn't allowed to do that and was given a bit of a sigh and at three am, I was silently screaming profanities in my head.  If it hadn't of been the middle of the night and had my brain been in gear I might have been a little more eloquent about the issue than 'I'm not allowed' to at least explain, but in the middle of the night when you've just woken up and you need to pee, reason and alertness usually isn't present.

There is a reason for the precautions - it's to reduce the risk of dislocation.  It's not just because I don't want to do it.  I just don't want to end up back in surgery and starting this whole process again.  I don't think my mental health could handle that.

Getting back into bed I had a minor panic and a 'you've pushed them too close together (my feet)' before we'd even got halfway there.  I received a rather stern lecture about how I should do it so that she didn't have to so so much to assist with my feet in future.  The way I have been doing it is fine with other nurses, wards-men and exactly as I was instructed by the physios but apparently that was too freaking difficult for her and I got told how her way was better because I'm too hard on the nurses. (almost a direct quote - it's better for nurses health if I can do it properly - though I have to wonder why the wardies prefer the physios way if it was physically harder - so I'm not sure what the go is other than she was a cranky ass who was physically unfit for the physical requirements of assisting patients)   Not good for my mental health at the moment to be spoken to like that.  I know that I am unreasonably fragile, but come on, she was unreasonably stupid and mean.  I think that I would have been in better condition than her pre-op which really does make me question how she manages to do the job when there are people in this ward that require more assistance than I do.  I guess she doesn't normally get the hard cases and probably wouldn't have answered the buzzer for me last night if my regular nurse hadn't been on her break.  I didn't realise this though and when I awoke again at 5:45am and needed to get up to go again, I tried to fall back asleep until shift change so I could get someone else to help me out.  When you start to think about needing to go though, it really makes it difficult to get back to sleep.  I lasted about ten minutes, by which stage I thought my bladder might explode and I couldn't possibly wait another half hour, I buzzed again.  It wasn't even as though I could even attempt to do it myself as the rails on the side of the bed were up and you can't put those down when you are actually in the bed.   The nice nurse arrived and I nearly cried in relief.  She assisted me out and commented on how much better I was getting and that I was almost doing it all on my own now.  After getting back in bed, I passed out with relief, feeling a bit better about myself and my  progress again.  I had prided myself on becoming low maintenance to the nurses, it was something that showed how much I had progressed.  I don't need that much assistance anymore, just in and out of bed, teds and meds and these things don't really take too long in comparison to higher dependency patients.   Somedays it seems that the better you get at looking after yourself the more you get shafted (it's not just the gym, its now the grumbles at requiring one assist - even though my chart still says two assist).


The whole situation highlights once again how you need to understand what is happening to you and what treatment you require to ensure that the right processes are followed.  Speak up if you think that something is wrong.  People do make mistakes, it isn't always ignorance, stupidity or laziness where errors occur.  If you know what should be going on around you there is an extra person there to pick up an error before it can occur.  Disaster can easily be averted if you know yourself and your treatment and stick up for yourself.

I should note that on the whole, the nursing staff are excellent.  There have been a couple of moments like this with one or two that really change the whole experience.  It's a shame that poor organisation and a few people really unsuited to the job taint a group of truly extraordinary people.

17 Days Post Op: Where's my Rehab?

The gym was open today with one physio, though apparently I don't get to be on the list because I have advanced enough that I can do my exercises on the ward.  I am quite disappointed that I miss out on the opportunity to advance because I have been working hard and have been motivated to do so without supervision.  I still require assistance to do some of the exercises and this is left to my husband.    There is also the matter of correcting and advancing.  This isn't something that I can do with the help of my husband.  We need the professionals to help out.  This is why I am here right?  If I am not getting the help I need, how am I going to get out of here?

I have to wonder what would happen if it wasn't possible for my husband to be here so much to help out.  Would I receive a higher standard of care or would I still be left to my own devices to figure it out?  I don't know which it would be but either way I'm not very impressed.  I understand that staffing and services are reduced on public holidays but I think it is a little odd that a rehab ward can't provide rehab for all of its patients for a four day period.  My doctor seemed surprised that I wasn't scheduled for the gym today, though I'm not sure this will go anywhere.  I'm not sure what good it will do to talk to him further tomorrow about it as there won't be any physios on at all then until Wednesday.  The regular physio that I have been working with that is on leave had expected me to be assessed in his absence and the exercises added to.  This wasn't the only indicator today that the wheels have fallen off over the holiday period and nobody really knows what to do about it.  The best I can do in the meantime is continue to do the set exercises and hope that I've at least built up a little more endurance that will be noticeable when I get back into the gym on Wednesday.

Wednesday will probably not be a great day for me emotionally.  I will try to stay positive and not let it get to me.  If I am aware that I might be a little out of sorts and why, I think I will be in a better place to deal with it and get on with what I need to do here.  The reason will be that I was supposed to be up to going with the Occupational Therapist on a home visit in preparation for going home on Friday.  The home visit will still happen, I just won't be able to go.  It's also highly unlikely that I'll be going home either.  Then we roll into yet another long weekend, meaning the gym is unlikely to be open next Monday pushing back any hope of going home to much later in the week.

Logically I understand that this is where I need to be right now as I really couldn't cope at home just yet.  The absolute minimum that I need to achieve is to be able to step over the step into the shower and be able to get my feet in and out of bed.  These are the two things that I really can't go without.  With patient transport, the front stairs wouldn't be an issue though realistically I need to be able to get in and out of the house.  I just need to keep working and eventually I will be home and this will soon be a distant memory.

16 Days Post Op: Happy Easter

Today I had REAL food for the first time in over two weeks.  My lovely husband made real Spaghetti Bolognese and brought it in for lunch today which was so much better than anything I have eaten in over two weeks.  This comparison isn't really fair as his spaghetti is awesome compared with other real food and not having the unfair comparison made to something that really isn't food.  I was also brought in home made apricot slice (again awesome) from a friend and left overs from my brother's bbq last night from my mum.  The fridge is full and I might be free not to suffer from hospital food for at least tomorrow.

I don't think that hospitals are good places to get well.  The environment needs to be more like a resort or spa retreat where food is highly nutritious and tasty and the appropriate combination of activity and restful sleep can be maintained.  I know this might cause further overcrowding when people don't want to go home though I really do think that you might be able to kick some people out a bit sooner as they improve a lot more quickly.  Positive people heal quicker than depressed people, right?  Well, the food would be enough to depress anyone after more than a couple of days.  Pair that with the interrupted sleep and dry air conditioning and surely that isn't a really good recipe for recovery?

To overcome the disadvantages of being here, I need to find things that I can do that will keep my mood  happy and positive about my progress.  First off, I'm going to be starting with real food with real vitamins and minerals and we are going to go outside in the sun and get me some vitamin D.

15 Days Post Op: Mini Meltdown

Since I wrote yesterday, I've been a bit down.  It's not as bad as it was on a few of the days in the 'missing week' though that period of time was intensified due to low haemoglobin and adverse drug reactions and that isn't a reason to disregard it anymore.  I have to take ownership of how I feel this time and nothing is going to be a quick fix.  I guess I just have to think about what it is that is actually the issue and work out what I can do to either fix it or get over it.  I am probably being a little hard on myself but that wouldn't be completely out of character.  I had high expectations pre-op which were probably a little stupid.  I don't necessarily think that I was naive enough to think it would be easy.  I just thought it would be easier than what it actually is.

I've had a bit of a think about why last night and today have been more difficult emotionally than normal and I have a couple of ideas.  I'd say a big part of the reason is that the rehab gym is pretty much closed for the duration of the public holidays with only one session on this morning.  I seem to find it more difficult to keep it together without the external validation from the Physios who are adding things to my program as I am progressing.   (Just telling my I'm doing great doesn't work - it sounds just like something that is said to make me feel better with no underlying truth - I need to see the progress and have someone else see enough of it to professionally say that I am ready to move forward.)  Another part is frustration setting in as I struggle to do the most simple of tasks like get my own feet out of bed without assistance (which I haven't managed to do yet).  Being in hospital is isolating as well.  Normally I have a choice as to whether I want to be social or hibernate and this isn't really a choice that I have right now and I don't have the interaction that I normally do with people I know and I'm struggling a little with this too.  It could also have a little to do with the change in general routine from being a night person to being woken at six in the morning every day.  Or maybe even partly the food which I am pretty much sick of especially after so many weeks pre-op eating a healthy diet full of fresh food.  Or even a little bit of worry about how much longer it is going to be before I can work again and have the income coming in, or how long it will be before I no longer rely so much on my husband to help me so that he can go back to work.

Yesterday I was on my own at the bar outside my hospital room running through the exercises myself while my husband watched on to make sure that I didn't fall over or do anything stupid like that.  I'll need to do this again this afternoon as well since the gym was only open this morning.  I'm not sure there is enough in my ward program to progress while the physios are away.  I'll have to increase the duration and repetitions and hope that this helps.

I didn't really feel any progress today and have started to wonder just how long I might be stuck in this place before any sense of normality returns to my world and I can at least be at home.  I hadn't planned on being here this long and had expected to be at home today based on the information that I was given pre-operatively.  The estimate of seven to ten days that is typical for one hip has been blown out of the water.  I had in my head that it would likely be two weeks though I hadn't considered that I might be looking at three or more.  Even when I wrote an email to one of the businesses that I do some contracting work for telling them that I would need the backup to stay in place for another couple of weeks, I still didn't really consider that I might actually be in here for a month.

Last night it sank in.  If I'm not starting on crutches yet and can't lift my feet more than an inch or so from the ground I'm not likely to make the end of next week.  I'll keep working on it and maybe we will see some leaps and bounds that aren't expected, though I don't want to get my heart set on it especially when

I feel a bit low still today about the whole thing.  I miss my life, even as it was with the daily arthritis pain. I know that I couldn't have gone on indefinitely like that and logically I know that this really is the only decision that could be made and now really was the only time to do it, but that doesn't help at the moment.  It's probably just a bit all too much at the moment and hopefully it is a phase that I can kick myself out of and get on with it.  I do know that at some point in the near future I will be able to look back and the gains that I have had will have made this all worthwhile.  I just want to be closer to that day and further away from this one.  In the meantime, I guess I just have to keep faking it until I make it.

Today was better than yesterday.
Tomorrow will be better than today.
I will be home soon.
This process will be a distant memory soon.
Life will be better once I get stronger.

14 Days Post Op: Good Friday

Public Holidays mean that the rehab gym is closed.  I still have exercises to do, though it is a little more difficult without some of the equipment.  I have four days of this to work through and hope that the schedule that I am on sees at least some improvements.  Up until now I have seen a change every day and I hope to continue to see these things happen.  I'm a little worried that it won't run as smoothly and as quickly while the physios are away.

The big improvement today was being able to shower and dress independently.  Thankfully I have had my husband to assist me with this, so it hasn't been as much of a big deal as it could have been. (I'm not particularly happy with the idea of someone other than my husband help me with this.   Hopefully by being able to do this myself now, I can be a little more independent and put less pressure on him to be here first thing in the morning to assist with the getting ready process.

Between being out of bed at 7:30am and getting ready and sitting out of bed until my husband arrived around eleven, I was pretty much wiped out for a while.  It sounds strange but sitting out of bed requires significantly more energy than sitting up in bed.  I'm not quite sure why.  I had a bit of a sit back in bed and took advantage of my husband being available to give my feet and calves a bit of a massage with some moisturising cream.  It is ridiculously dry inside here and my skin is peeling.  It's truly disgusting.  It might also be some of the cleansers and tapes that have been used over the past couple of weeks that have assisted in this process as I do have quite sensitive skin.  I probably should have started this moisturising process a lot earlier to prevent this, however, it wasn't something that I'd really thought about happening.  I don't think that the compression socks are helping much with the skin they cover either.

After lunch, I actually went outside for the first time in a week.  It was a bit strange to be out in the open.  We didn't go too far, just out of the front door of the building.  I went in a wheelchair as I'm not quite up to that walk yet especially since there isn't any seats downstairs that are the right height for me to sit on while I've still got hip precautions.  I'm not sure how people do this when they are out of hospital but haven't yet had the precautions lifted.  I don't know too many places that actually accommodate for the higher chairs and toilet seats that are required.  I guess by the time I get home, I'll still want to be in going through my own physio program, working on the strength and ability to hopefully ditch the crutches at six weeks so there won't be a great deal of time to be looking at spending too much time out and about.

After getting back to my room from downstairs, I got stuck into the first set of exercises for the day.  This pretty much tired me out again and put me back into bed for a bit of a rest a chance to catchup with a friend that came to visit and to post for today.  I am still planning to do another set today to hopefully replicate the level of activity that I have been doing in the gym for the past few days.  This might wait until I've had a short siesta though :)