The longest walk...

So far.

Last night I sent out a few messages to people to say hello, to see how they were doing, some who I haven't spoken to in a while.

I woke up quite early and had a few responses, some from people who were online this morning quite early. (Well early for me for a Sunday).  It's been good to catch up with people, to have a life back and some of the interactions have given me a lot to think about.  About my life.  About the changes that I've made for myself.  About the value of being alive, of being healthy and about having the opportunities to do things like, going for a long walk.

So I did.

I started out thinking that I'd go to a little coffee shop near me.  My local is the one thing that I really miss from living in the city.  It was just an elevator ride and maybe 50 meters.  My new local is about 2.2 km away.

What the hell right?  I can do that on the elliptical, so why shouldn't I be able to do this on the ground.  I have walking shoes and need coffee.  So why not.  I can always call a cab if I feel like I can't make it.  There's bus stops all along the way.  I'm not walking through the desert, I can just roam.  I kind of wonder if I hadn't have had all these health issues whether back packing would have been something that I would have enjoyed.  I'm a little spoilt now and like my own shower and bed in a nice clean somewhat upmarket hotel but I think that I could do the adventure a little more.  There's a whole world out there waiting for me to explore.

I started off quite optimistic.  There were some thoughts that it was a little harder than what I thought it would be when I got to the hills...  that's right - plural.   Calves and glutes burning, I made it there.  I took my time to sit, have coffee, some toast with avo and realised, that it wasn't that far.  I did the check around; ankles - good, knees - good, hips - good; and decided that I didn't think I wanted to go back.

There is freedom in just walking.  Time to think.
Time to just wander and be in my own head and be ok with that.

So I kept going.  Stopped at a friend's place another three or so kilometres down the road.  I detoured through a reserve area that has paved paths through the bush land rather than by the busy roadside in one section.  I was the only person out for most of the way so I got to sing out loud and just enjoy being.

It actually amazes me that I enjoyed it.  It's something that I would have always said that I was too lazy to do.  The reality of it is that I couldn't do it and it was just easier to say that I was lazy and didn't want to.

By the time I got there - I needed more water and a seat for a little while but I still checked out.  I kind of think that I could have done another stretch about that distance again.  Maybe not with all of the hills but I still think that I could have kept going.  In the end, I got a lift home.

I'll see how I fare up tomorrow.  I think that the worst of it will be a little sunburn.

Maybe next weekend I should head in another direction.  Split up the trip by 2 - 3 km chunks with a rest break between and just see how far I can get.  Maybe head towards the city this time.  South Bank is about 7 - 8 kilometres.  I can catch a bus home from there.  It's just finding the rest breaks along the way.   I'm sure headed in that direction that there'll be plenty to look at and keep my mind occupied as I meander along.

Differences in Me

People who haven't seen me in a few weeks are commenting on differences.
I feel different.  I just wasn't sure that translated into something more visible to the outside world.  Something positive.  My pilates / physio team can see the difference and are working with me to push the boundaries even further out.  That's exciting.  I'm not sure if exciting is the right word.  Awe is a little closer.  Maybe wonder?  Or maybe it's just the anticipation.  Kind of like that anticipation that you get before Christmas as a child - wondering what Santa might bring.

I'm starting to notice that I'm just more comfortable in my body.  It feels like it's doing what it's supposed to do.  The getting up and down off the ground is the biggest thing for me.  It's something that I don't remember ever doing - it opens up a whole lot of things that I've never really done before.

Sometimes I catch myself with the realisation that something that I've done for a long time is just that little bit easier.
My knees are coping a little bit better.
Swelling on my knees and ankles is reducing (and I can't recall it ever having done that)
Sometimes I'm just bouncy.

Last Friday, I went to a meditation class.  Something that I never would have done before.  How could I?  I'm sure there are some that would have accommodated my lack of ability to get down to the floor, though that isn't something that I would ever have wanted.  I've never wanted to be seen to be different or require special assistance.  It was always better not to participate - not to let people know - not to be a burden - not to let anyone see weakness - maybe a touch of pride.

There have been a few people that I've spoken to about this big thing.  Some don't see it as such a big thing.  I guess the novelty of knowing someone that has had both hips replaced has worn off and my achievements aren't that exciting for them anymore.  I kind of wonder if they ever were.  It's ok though.  I don't need that external validation.  I feel good.  It can be lonely at times when there isn't someone to talk to about what is going on with me but it's something that I'm ok with.  I'm ok with it because I don't know where this is going to take me but I'm looking forward to finding out.

Missing Pilates Session

Today I missed pilates.
I had to go to a client site for a payroll handover.

I didn't realise that it would make such a difference to my mood.
It's entirely possible that I'm just grumpy and there are other things that are going on in my life at the moment that are having an effect but....  nothing feels like it should and it's just a generally uncomfortable day.

I'm going to have to figure out something to do for when work commitments stop me from going to a scheduled appointment.  The next one I'll miss is on the 27th of this month.  Not long to figure it out.

Off the Floor

For the first time for as long as I can remember, I got off the floor without leaning on a chair and using my arms to assist.  I was on one of those thick squishy mats so I kind of wrote it off to the matt and maybe just a fluke.

So today I tried again at pilates on a regular mat.   I did it.

I haven't tried a regular hard floor yet but I did it.  Twice.

That's huge.  It's so huge that I can't even tell you.

Some people get it.

Some don't.

I'm grateful for those that do.

Ultrasound

I had physio today.  I learnt a lot.  More than just releasing the muscles and feeling that light buzzy feeling afterwards, I learnt what my muscles looked like when they were working efficiently and what they looked like when they weren't quite doing what they were supposed to be doing.

We used a diagnostic ultrasound, the kind they look at babies with, to look at whether my transverse abdominals and the lowest level glute muscles closest to my hip joints.  Looks like the TA's were firing well and the glutes not so much.  It wasn't a great surprise, but it was very worthwhile to see.   I now have an understanding as to what it feels like working properly because I know what it looks like.  Now I can work towards strengthening what needs to be strengthened.

I probably should have taken pictures for comparison....  Maybe next time!