Baking up a storm

Saturday involved about six hours of baking in preparation for my sister's kitchen tea today.  There were red velvet cupcakes, butter cupcakes, chocolate cupcakes, chocolate mud cupcakes, mini lemon meringue cheescakes and amaretti (almond cookies) all in rather large quantities.

I was tired at the end of it all and my feet hurt.  My hips didn't.  There is no way I could have handled that much baking pre-op without some serious consequences.  Pre-op I would have started to have pain after about an hour and would have been hobbling around and feeling a rather intense amount of pain in my right hip.  By the end of the effort, I would have been leaning on walls, tables or anything close to get anywhere as my full weight on my right hip would have been screaming at me.  I would have felt the pain even when I sat and wouldn't have been able to get comfortable enough to sleep.  It is likely that I would have taken a couple  of panadeine forte to try and take the edge of a little bit, just enough to try to relax.  The pain relief wouldn't always take the edge off and never took the pain away completely.  The muscles around my hips would have been tight like rope and there would be some muscle spasming causing sharp stabbing pains as I tried to relax.  This was a a kind of pain that was significantly worse than my post-op pain levels.    

This pain would last for a number of days and see me fatigued for days after that.  My sister's engagement party saw me out of action for the best part of a week.  During that time I was on increased anti-inflammatories and additional pain relief.

Now, the day after, I'm just a little sleepy from having a busy weekend.  There is no pain. My calves and the muscles that run down the back of my feet are a little tight, as are my shoulders but this is what I would consider normal types of muscle tightness after standing with poor posture for that many hours.  I must have been hunched over to be tight across the back of the shoulders.  Awesome, hey!  I really do mean that.  A normal body reaction to poor behaviour.  Normal.  No meds.  Wow.

The countdown to my sister's wedding is on.  Next weekend we have dress fittings, the weekend after the 'Girls Night' and then the next after that is the big day.  I'm going to be in pretty great condition by then.  It's all happening.

Post Pre-Op Appointment

All went well with the pre-op appointment so I can relax a bit now.  Maybe I should have a nap this afternoon :)

Some of the questions that I had left had been answered and I have been given reassurance that I am definitely booked in for bilateral, I will be going to ICU for at least one night post surgery and all is good.  I have had my pre-op blood work done (results still to come in though there shouldn't be any issues based on the blood work I had done about three weeks ago) and had an ECG which apparently looks normal.

I also filled out some surveys relating to pain and mobility and signed a consent form for a tiny little bit of my tissue near the bone to be taken for research.  I asked what happens to the bone that they cut out too and it gets sent off somewhere to maybe be used for something too.

Side Note:  Speaking of research, I have recently been involved as a participant in the Motherhood Choices Survey being run by the University of Western Sydney to develop a decision aid to assist women with rheumatoid arthritis aged 20 - 45 who are considering having children.  If you've come here and meet that criteria, please consider participating as they are still looking for people.  I'm not sure how they will collate the information collected though I hope that it is the start of further research into issues affecting people with arthritis and result in the development of resources, knowledge and communities.

Early for Pre-op Appointment

I am in the Fourth Floor Surgery at Mater Private clinic waiting for the nurse to finish with her previous patient so that I can have my pre-op appointment.  I have my list of questions, though am still a little nervous as I'm really not sure what the answers will be (though I've done heaps of research I should have a fair idea - just not exact).  My big questions relate to getting bumped.  There shouldn't be any reason why I would get bumped, though there is still that fear that I might be.  I'm ready now and just want to get it over and done with.  I may change my mind in the few hours before or maybe as I'm trying to get to sleep the night before and have a few moments of uncertainty but I am sure that I won't cancel now.  I've been three days without meds as well as spent a lot of time prepping so I can't let that all go to waste.  I've still got twenty minutes to go so I might catch up on some reading on the discussion boards.

Pre-admission phone call from Mater Private

I just received a phone call from a lovely nurse at Mater Private in relation to my 'check in' next week to run through the process of what is going to happen next week.  I am the last surgery of the day and need to be in at reception at 11am.  I will then be taken to a welcome lounge where the anaesthetist and a theatre nurse will speak to me.  When they are ready for me, I will get changed and off I will go.  The afterwards process was also discussed.  I'll get more detail from Dr Journeaux's nurse on Monday afternoon about this.  I may go into recovery and then to a ward, or to ICU depending on what risk they assess me to be at the end of the operation.  I was expecting ICU based on my last appointment with the doctor talking about what happens.  ICU is apparently bright and loud and not as nice as a regular room but you have one on one nursing.  I guess I'll leave it up to the experts to decide where I should go.  If I am in ICU, I shouldn't panic if I wake up with a tube down my throat and shouldn't try to speak because I won't be able to.  Apparently this isn't completely uncommon for long late afternoon surgeries if at the end my body temperature is low.  It is just another precautionary measure.  It was something that I hadn't considered though and is taking a little while to process.

Another thing that I hadn't considered is: That dressing gowns aren't necessarily the most comfortable thing to sit up in bed and watch tv in if it is a bit cool and maybe bring a wrap or cardigan.  I'll need to process the whole 'cardigan' thing too....  :)

No Physio Today :(

Somehow I managed to screw up my scheduling and didn't end up with a physio appointment like I thought I did so I turned up today and wasn't supposed to.  I have been juggling this last couple of weeks around a little bit to fit all kinds of things in, so I guess it's no wonder that something had to go wrong somewhere along the line.  I am rebooked for Thursday at a later time to accommodate for my dentists appointment and all is pretty much the same as any other week. One hydro appointment and one physio appointment, so there should be absolutely no reason to be emotional about it.  Now that I am getting closer to the date, I'm finding myself focusing on the minutiae and getting overly emotionally vested maybe as a coping mechanism for everything else that is going on.  It's disconcerting as I think that I have been really positive about the whole experience.  As the 'most of the time' feeling, it's still positive, it's just that on most days since about mid last week there has been a moment where I have had what I would deem a disproportionate emotional reaction.

In a way it relates a little to the OCD with germs and general control issues over the insignificant that I have discussed in other posts.  I have identified the strange behaviour and yet can't stop it.  Maybe it's because I've not really determined what the exact underlying issue is so that I can deal with it.  I have come up with a number of possible explanations and not too many solutions (other than suck it and see).

On the surface, I suppose it is easier to focus on the little things rather than worry about the unknown.  I'd like to think that I'm ready for the process through finding the right health professionals, research and actual physical preparation but...  I still do worry that I might not have done enough to help avoid any possible complications or that I have done something that I shouldn't have done that may harm my recovery time.  It's mostly because in these situations you just can't control all of the outcomes.  All that you can do is the best you can or make the compromises that you can accept and move forward and deal with what comes next.  So given there are things I can't control, maybe I'm focused on the things that I can or believe that I should be and am affected when these little things end up beyond my control as well.

Stupidly it extends to whether I am going to get everything done before I go into hospital.  The stupid thing is that I am coming out of hospital again so I don't know why that's even a big deal.  It really shouldn't be, though it may just be the last few things that I maybe can control.

So while I'm starting to realise that maybe I don't have control of much in my world and one crutch of control that I have fallen back to many times in the past, I no longer have.  As my health has declined, I have been more reliant on others for lots of different things except for money.  It was an important source of self-esteem, mostly as to me it is still an indicator of being able to look after myself.   My work status has changed very recently and was part of the reason that we chose to do this now (as I have the freedom to focus on preparation and then rehabilitation as I'm not working full time).  Along with not working full-time, this is the first time in my adult life when I haven't been financially independent.  At the moment and for the next few months I will be just about completely financially reliant on someone else.  My husband has no issue with this, it's just me struggling to come to terms with letting go of that portion of control over my life. There are no sick leave benefits or other benefits that were due to be paid to me to fall back on as the company that I was working was destroyed by a selfish director (which given that I am probably still bitter about given the massive time investment that I'd made to this place over the last decade is once again a situation that I have had no control over), so I had the choice of clocking up the leave required somewhere else or making some positive changes now (there were other considerations - though this certainly was a factor).  I guess I didn't think about the emotional impact that the change in work situation would have and it really is extremely likely that it does play at least some part in my current responses to other events where things fall out of my control.   Maybe I was always a control freak, it just wasn't as obvious when there weren't periods of such massive change going on and as such the weird behaviour never really got to raise it's odd little head so often.  This could lead to the conclusion that maybe I just need to get over myself and get my act together :)

Oh crap, I just sneezed.  It's time to go and get a good sleep and hopefully wake up germ free in the morning.. I guess I'll save getting my act together for another day...

Shopping and planning for the week I am admitted....

I spent some time on the weekend looking for the extra bits and pieces that I might need to take into the hospital with me.  Where I'm not sure, I have erred on the side of caution and purchased a couple of options :)  I might have mentioned that my pre-op appointment is on the Monday of the week that I am admitted (I go in on the Friday), so I won't be left with a lot of time to do that much in the last week.  The main question I have is when will I get to wear 'normal' clothes again after surgery?  From some of reading that I have found that the answer varies so, I guess it does vary from person to person based on the incision type and how long drainage tubes are in and generally how fast I heal.  I have selected loosely fitting pants and shirts (not unlike what I wear to pilates now) and dresses that aren't too 'hospital' or 'old lady' looking.   I've elected for soft fabrics that feel good and still breathe.  I've also found myself a pair of flat slip on type shoes with good soles and reasonable foot support so that when I can't bend, I can still have some sense of independence should I want it :)

So far for the last week, I have two physio sessions planned, maybe one pilates and one hydro session as well.  I will be finishing up my medication on the weekend before so the last two will depend on my overall wellbeing given that I haven't been off the anti-inflammatories for that long for quite some time.  I am currently taking Voltaren (aka Diclofenac Sodium) 50mg twice daily and will need to stop that in the week before.  I will be allowed to take Panadol Osteo and Panadeine Extra which hasn't been as effective when trialled in the past.  It's only a week, and I will be fine, though I want to be careful not to set anything off in that week before going in.  I have been working closely with my physios and know that they will make sure that I am in the best physical condition that I am physically capable of being in, so it's left to me to follow their expert advice in that field and focus on other aspects, like eating well and maintaining a positive attitude.

In between the physio and exercise, I have the non-critical tasks like getting my hair cut and coloured and getting my eyebrows waxed and any last minute shopping things that need to be done :)  I figure that if I'm not feeling 100% when I first wake up from the surgery, I probably won't want to look in the mirror and see regrowth :)  Though this may seem to be the least of my problems, I think that everything that I can do to go in feeling positive and good about myself, will help on the other end, even if it is as cosmetic as getting my hair done.