I have had a lot of really positive experiences over the past week and I do wonder if it is just the contrast that has upset me, that perhaps it wasn't such a 'big deal' and I have made it into one. I know that I need to accept that some people just won't be able to understand what I've been through and the journey that I am still on and this ignorance isn't necessarily malicious. It could even be argued that it's because I don't complain enough and make my limitations known more obviously that I shouldn't be hurt when they are overlooked by people that I think should know better.
I've never been comfortable complaining about the things that I can't do. At some level, I didn't really want people to know the extent of my limitations and as such there were very few that actually knew what it really was like pre-op. These people were limited to those that 'needed' to know. The rest would probably knew something was going on but didn't really 'get it' and I never really elaborated. Post-op, things have gone really well and the limitations that I had pre-op are diminishing quickly but you can't get rid of two decades worth of limitations and compensations in a couple of months.
After such an awesome week, it was a little confronting to be isolated because I still couldn't do something. The isolation was made more difficult when I was made to feel like I was causing trouble by 'snobbing' the rest of the group. This has been one of the lowest points I've had for quite a while, one where I felt extremely alone. A phone call and a tweet helped me to get through the rest of the evening. I guess that all the other unnecessary tension at the event made me a little on edge to start with and as such I was probably not quite as well prepared for criticism as I usually would be.
Some of the people that I truly expected to understand haven't. I guess that I had higher expectations of them that were perhaps unreasonable.
The people that have truly been there for me have been amazing. You know who you are. Thank you.