Sunday, September 11, 2011

What to say...

I've struggled with this post.  I've tried to write it a couple of times but the words just won't come together.  I'm at a bit of a loss to explain a negative experience that I've had and do wonder if I should just leave it be and keep going with my life as it needs to be or think about it a little longer and share it with people who might be going through something similar.

I have had a lot of really positive experiences over the past week and I do wonder if it is just the contrast that has upset me, that perhaps it wasn't such a 'big deal' and I have made it into one.  I know that I need to accept that some people just won't be able to understand what I've been through and the journey that I am still on and this ignorance isn't necessarily malicious.  It could even be argued that it's because I don't complain enough and make my limitations known more obviously that I shouldn't be hurt when they are overlooked by people that I think should know better.

I've never been comfortable complaining about the things that I can't do.  At some level, I didn't really want people to know the extent of my limitations and as such there were very few that actually knew what it really was like pre-op.  These people were limited to those that 'needed' to know.  The rest would probably knew something was going on but didn't really 'get it' and I never really elaborated.  Post-op, things have gone really well and the limitations that I had pre-op are diminishing quickly but you can't get rid of two decades worth of limitations and compensations in a couple of months.

After such an awesome week, it was a little confronting to be isolated because I still couldn't do something.   The isolation was made more difficult when I was made to feel like I was causing trouble by 'snobbing' the rest of the group.  This has been one of the lowest points I've had for quite a while, one where I felt extremely alone.  A phone call and a tweet helped me to get through the rest of the evening.  I guess that all the other unnecessary tension at the event made me a little on edge to start with and as such I was probably not quite as well prepared for criticism as I usually would be.

Some of the people that I truly expected to understand haven't.   I guess that I had higher expectations of them that were perhaps unreasonable.  

The people that have truly been there for me have been amazing.  You know who you are.  Thank you. 


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  2. Thanks :) I had started that post out a lot harsher and I have calmed down a bit since then. Some people are just never going to get it and it's crazy to think that they ever will. Sometimes you just have to get it out so you can move past it. I'll move past it but I will be more prepared for this kind of rubbish from these people in the future.

  3. Hey Lori, sorry I realized there was a few typos, and bad punctuation in there. I'll Start again.
    Hopefully You might feel a bit better for releasing those feelings, I definitely don't think you are making to big of a deal out of it, but I am looking at it from the same side of the fence. It is funny, you don't like to let people know your problems or limits,but the same people that treat you unfairly are the kind of people that would let you know every little pain or issue that they have going on.
    All you can do is learn from this and be on guard if you find yourself in the same situation again. Even if these people didn't know of your limitations pre-op they should have full respect for any that you may have now. You had TWO hips replaced just over five months ago, that is massive, and the average person would still be coming to terms with it
    and struggling with it all, not embracing it like you
    I really hope you can just learn from this and move on to your next awesome achievement, because knowing you it is just around the corner:)

  4. I agree Tony. It is definitely a weak point in our society as a whole. I know with what I do that people commonly just don't 'GET IT' when it comes to the body, particularly with pain, limitation or even physical sesitivities. If you don't have a full body cast you should be fine and "just keep up". The ramifications of this lack of insight are huge and I can only imagine how you felt Lori. I find myself often trying to subtly get through to people who really just don't understand. It concerns me because ignorance in body terms can be dangerous to health long term and can also have a devastating effect on the people closest to us. It is true: Lori does have limitations but strengths far outweigh. WE ARE ALL THE SAME whether we know it or not.
    The trap with not 'getting' the body is that we can often see pain or limitation in specific areas as weakness. And if you start to focus on the so called weaknesses of family, partners, kids, friends it can have a truly devastating effect on relationships. Life is tough for all concerned. Your stories are so inspiring because you both deal with significant issues that you are intelligent enough to problem solve the best way possible. Your focus is on strengths and ability and naturally you see strength and abilities in others.
    I think it is one of the most important things to share your stories in such a positive way.