I started out late today and managed to get an unmetered parking spot at Spring Hill on the first pass and made it to my appointment with my dentist a little early. I have no cavities :), so it was just a scale and clean today and another item off the checklist. I spoke to Dr Tom about the surgery and about the report I read in relation to taking an antibiotic an hour before any procedure and apparently these precautions are more commonplace than I thought. It seems that these precautions are taken by other people with different fixed items aside from joints. I guess it stands to reason that those with a higher risk of complications due to infection should do what they can to avoid them. It is just something that I hadn't really considered until now. Poor dental health is even worse news than not taking antibiotics so making sure that I go for my regular checkups will be important. I've booked in the next one for six months time (which I did after I got home as the new receptionist forgot to ask if I ever wanted to come back again), by which time I should almost be able to walk there :) Maybe a little toooo far - a ten minute drive would equate to a pretty long distance, though I could catch the bus which would be a new thing for me.
After I left Dr Tom's office I went up a level to check at my old GP's office to see if all was sorted with the insurance company that was requesting my health information (which it has been so hopefully that will also be something that is checked off the checklist). The issue was the insurance company not wanting to pay for the time to collate my medical history (which is hardly light reading even though this GP only covers the last four or five years). I guess this is what happens when you have to search for someone to actually want to insure you. I would have thought that with the prevalence of arthritis in the community today that it wouldn't be such a big deal, however, it is apparently and there are few insurers that want to touch me (other than the really bad catchall, no medical questions type covers which don't do much for you anyway - don't get me started on that one - just know that I wasn't happy with them).
Next it was coffee at my old coffee shop, Two Cups, which was next door to where I used to live. That would have to be the big thing that I miss about living in the city - crossing the street for an awesome cup of coffee. The closest coffee near where I live now is a five minute drive. I'm not quite sure what the coffee options are when I am in hospital and this might be where I end up in trouble. Though I've cut back to a cup a day - I make sure it is the best possible cup of coffee that I could possibly have so that I can really enjoy it. It might be my husband's job to scout coffee before he arrives to visit in the mornings which will be somewhat reflective of what life was like for him on Saturday mornings when we did still live in the city :)
Next it was off to Milton to drop off some paperwork and then out to Coorparoo for physio where I actually arrived early again. This is highly unusual behaviour for me as things usually don't line up as well as I plan them so today was a bit of a surprise.
I had a bit of a break after physio and caught up with Paul and had a chat about all kinds of stuff. Ultimately it ended up with the big issue in my life at the moment - surgery - and what I want to eventually write about here that I am going to probably need some help with to make sure that I get it all right. It's a bit of a pet project that I have to work on when I have some time after the surgery. I might be crazy to think that I will feel like doing too much in the early days but I do have a lot of little projects planned for those few weeks. I'm not really starting on a lot of this until after as there is a fair amount that needs to wait until I am going through the rehab process as the work I've been doing to prepare is really to improve the surgical outcomes and reduce the impact of rehab. These are things that I really can't comment on until I actually am there and going through it. I'm not going to know what needs to be worked and where I feel weakness until later. Some of the focus of the pre-op preparation has come from comments made by others on discussion boards as to what things they found difficult in the rehabilitation process while the rest has come from discussions with my physios as to the things that they know that I will need to deal with.
Home again and getting some work done. There are a few reports that I need to organise and just little bits and pieces that fall due when I am away. Unfortunately most of them needed March to finish before I could get right into it so the bulk will be done tomorrow on the weekend.
Eight sleeps to go.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Lack of Motivation
Today was a day for a complete and utter lack of motivation. I did manage to get to pilates today though the rest of the afternoon I did very little. I totally corrupted my good influence :) This either means that I have accepted that I can't control everything and have finally relaxed or I'm just tired. Sometimes I over analyse things though today I won't - I'll enjoy the relax I had and take it at face value - I just must have needed it.
I started a course of antibiotics this afternoon and promptly fell asleep. Hopefully after a few more good nights of sleep I will be able to completely kick the germs well in time for the final countdown until game day.
I've started to have a think about what I want to do that morning before we check in at 11am. I can eat until seven, so I'll get my morning coffee which is a good start :)
With those happy thoughts of morning coffee, I am going to go back to dreamland.
Nine sleeps to go.
I started a course of antibiotics this afternoon and promptly fell asleep. Hopefully after a few more good nights of sleep I will be able to completely kick the germs well in time for the final countdown until game day.
I've started to have a think about what I want to do that morning before we check in at 11am. I can eat until seven, so I'll get my morning coffee which is a good start :)
With those happy thoughts of morning coffee, I am going to go back to dreamland.
Nine sleeps to go.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
No Physio Today :(
Somehow I managed to screw up my scheduling and didn't end up with a physio appointment like I thought I did so I turned up today and wasn't supposed to. I have been juggling this last couple of weeks around a little bit to fit all kinds of things in, so I guess it's no wonder that something had to go wrong somewhere along the line. I am rebooked for Thursday at a later time to accommodate for my dentists appointment and all is pretty much the same as any other week. One hydro appointment and one physio appointment, so there should be absolutely no reason to be emotional about it. Now that I am getting closer to the date, I'm finding myself focusing on the minutiae and getting overly emotionally vested maybe as a coping mechanism for everything else that is going on. It's disconcerting as I think that I have been really positive about the whole experience. As the 'most of the time' feeling, it's still positive, it's just that on most days since about mid last week there has been a moment where I have had what I would deem a disproportionate emotional reaction.
In a way it relates a little to the OCD with germs and general control issues over the insignificant that I have discussed in other posts. I have identified the strange behaviour and yet can't stop it. Maybe it's because I've not really determined what the exact underlying issue is so that I can deal with it. I have come up with a number of possible explanations and not too many solutions (other than suck it and see).
On the surface, I suppose it is easier to focus on the little things rather than worry about the unknown. I'd like to think that I'm ready for the process through finding the right health professionals, research and actual physical preparation but... I still do worry that I might not have done enough to help avoid any possible complications or that I have done something that I shouldn't have done that may harm my recovery time. It's mostly because in these situations you just can't control all of the outcomes. All that you can do is the best you can or make the compromises that you can accept and move forward and deal with what comes next. So given there are things I can't control, maybe I'm focused on the things that I can or believe that I should be and am affected when these little things end up beyond my control as well.
Stupidly it extends to whether I am going to get everything done before I go into hospital. The stupid thing is that I am coming out of hospital again so I don't know why that's even a big deal. It really shouldn't be, though it may just be the last few things that I maybe can control.
So while I'm starting to realise that maybe I don't have control of much in my world and one crutch of control that I have fallen back to many times in the past, I no longer have. As my health has declined, I have been more reliant on others for lots of different things except for money. It was an important source of self-esteem, mostly as to me it is still an indicator of being able to look after myself. My work status has changed very recently and was part of the reason that we chose to do this now (as I have the freedom to focus on preparation and then rehabilitation as I'm not working full time). Along with not working full-time, this is the first time in my adult life when I haven't been financially independent. At the moment and for the next few months I will be just about completely financially reliant on someone else. My husband has no issue with this, it's just me struggling to come to terms with letting go of that portion of control over my life. There are no sick leave benefits or other benefits that were due to be paid to me to fall back on as the company that I was working was destroyed by a selfish director (which given that I am probably still bitter about given the massive time investment that I'd made to this place over the last decade is once again a situation that I have had no control over), so I had the choice of clocking up the leave required somewhere else or making some positive changes now (there were other considerations - though this certainly was a factor). I guess I didn't think about the emotional impact that the change in work situation would have and it really is extremely likely that it does play at least some part in my current responses to other events where things fall out of my control. Maybe I was always a control freak, it just wasn't as obvious when there weren't periods of such massive change going on and as such the weird behaviour never really got to raise it's odd little head so often. This could lead to the conclusion that maybe I just need to get over myself and get my act together :)
Oh crap, I just sneezed. It's time to go and get a good sleep and hopefully wake up germ free in the morning.. I guess I'll save getting my act together for another day...
In a way it relates a little to the OCD with germs and general control issues over the insignificant that I have discussed in other posts. I have identified the strange behaviour and yet can't stop it. Maybe it's because I've not really determined what the exact underlying issue is so that I can deal with it. I have come up with a number of possible explanations and not too many solutions (other than suck it and see).
On the surface, I suppose it is easier to focus on the little things rather than worry about the unknown. I'd like to think that I'm ready for the process through finding the right health professionals, research and actual physical preparation but... I still do worry that I might not have done enough to help avoid any possible complications or that I have done something that I shouldn't have done that may harm my recovery time. It's mostly because in these situations you just can't control all of the outcomes. All that you can do is the best you can or make the compromises that you can accept and move forward and deal with what comes next. So given there are things I can't control, maybe I'm focused on the things that I can or believe that I should be and am affected when these little things end up beyond my control as well.
Stupidly it extends to whether I am going to get everything done before I go into hospital. The stupid thing is that I am coming out of hospital again so I don't know why that's even a big deal. It really shouldn't be, though it may just be the last few things that I maybe can control.
So while I'm starting to realise that maybe I don't have control of much in my world and one crutch of control that I have fallen back to many times in the past, I no longer have. As my health has declined, I have been more reliant on others for lots of different things except for money. It was an important source of self-esteem, mostly as to me it is still an indicator of being able to look after myself. My work status has changed very recently and was part of the reason that we chose to do this now (as I have the freedom to focus on preparation and then rehabilitation as I'm not working full time). Along with not working full-time, this is the first time in my adult life when I haven't been financially independent. At the moment and for the next few months I will be just about completely financially reliant on someone else. My husband has no issue with this, it's just me struggling to come to terms with letting go of that portion of control over my life. There are no sick leave benefits or other benefits that were due to be paid to me to fall back on as the company that I was working was destroyed by a selfish director (which given that I am probably still bitter about given the massive time investment that I'd made to this place over the last decade is once again a situation that I have had no control over), so I had the choice of clocking up the leave required somewhere else or making some positive changes now (there were other considerations - though this certainly was a factor). I guess I didn't think about the emotional impact that the change in work situation would have and it really is extremely likely that it does play at least some part in my current responses to other events where things fall out of my control. Maybe I was always a control freak, it just wasn't as obvious when there weren't periods of such massive change going on and as such the weird behaviour never really got to raise it's odd little head so often. This could lead to the conclusion that maybe I just need to get over myself and get my act together :)
Oh crap, I just sneezed. It's time to go and get a good sleep and hopefully wake up germ free in the morning.. I guess I'll save getting my act together for another day...
Monday, March 28, 2011
Hydro, GP Checkup and Items off the checklist
This morning started out at Hydro and I was a little bit concerned that we weren't starting off the day well when there was no parking, the hydro pool was full of little germy children and the pool outside was cold. It got progressively better though. One of the outside pools was relatively unoccupied, though cold for the first few minutes it was ok and best of all there were no children's germs. I know I have been harping on this recently, though the upset tummy late mid last week and the sore throat of the weekend has put me into a mild panic that I won't be well for next Friday and I might get bumped. I think that I might just hide away from the public for the next ten days. Unfortunately I do need to go into the office tomorrow for a while and then maybe again on Thursday for a little bit. Next Tuesday is the last office day leaving me to be able to kick back and spend some time with my husband before I go into hospital. Things have been pretty crazy in the lead up, mostly because we both need time off work for more than just a couple of days. A lot of my stuff has been 'housekeeping' type things that I've mentioned earlier (paperwork and the like).
Today's checklist included getting to the GP to get a new referral so that medicare will actually chip in for the operation, renewing a mail redirection, cleaning out some old paperwork and other old junk. Nothing exciting but things that I am unlikely going to want to do for a little while. Hell, I haven't wanted to do these tasks for the last year, the next few months is unlikely to be any different. I'm a little anxious about getting everything done, even though I am sure that some of this stuff really could be put of for a few more months. I guess I have really gotten into the idea of having a clean slate when I get home from hospital, or very soon after that time, that I am freaking out a little bit on the nearing deadline. I'm not actually sure if I am misidentifying the cause of the anxiety and it's actually about the op itself and other associated bits and pieces that is causing the anxiety. I'm not sure. I know that I am looking forward to being on the other side of the op though a general anxiety would also explain my newly acquired OCD about Germs (which really haven't bothered me too much in the past, anymore than anyone else - I do wash my hands when appropriate and take the appropriate risks) and I do realise that I am becoming a little crazy about it just as I am about the other things that aren't neatly filed away in their happy little boxes.
Back to the GP visit: the sore throat isn't anything too bad. I think that the honey, chilli and garlic, lots of water, lots of fresh vegetables and fruit (not all together), have kicked it a bit. I got the doc to check it today when I was there for the referral just to help put my mind at ease and it isn't too bad. If it does get worse, I am apparently still allowed to take antibiotics and I have been given a script for that. I think I would double check with the surgeons office first just in case but I shouldn't need them so it doesn't really matter too much. The GP visit was pretty sucky as my normal doctor wasn't there and he is way cooler than the one I saw today. (He's on paternity leave - so I would be an ass to complain too much about his absence). I've only really just started to go to this clinic, I really do like this new doctor and I'm fussy. He seems interested in what is going on and is actually knowledgable about it (he does work on some orthopaedic cases though with a different surgeon - so that helps) but I really think that even if he didn't have the ortho background, he would just be one of those doctors that really takes an interest in people so even though I understood the reason why he wasn't there today, I was still a little disappointed that the replacement didn't really live up to expectation (which may well just me not relating to her as well - not a reflection on skills and abilities as a GP). It is difficult to find these doctors who not only take an interest but you also relate to and feel comfortable with. If you have been lucky in your life and got an awesome doc first go, you should be very grateful!
I was lucky enough to have one of my best friends to help me stay focused on the clean out and this afternoon post doc's appointment was actually pretty productive. I am a hoarder and even knowing this about myself, I was still surprised at just how much 'junk' I've collected over the years and carted around from one house to the next. She'll be back on Wednesday to help relieve the insanity again. We'll head off to pilates at midday and maybe get coffee on the way back home so it should be a good day. Thursday is girls night again, so all in all it will be a good week. Here's to it being a productive and stress free one as well :)
Today's checklist included getting to the GP to get a new referral so that medicare will actually chip in for the operation, renewing a mail redirection, cleaning out some old paperwork and other old junk. Nothing exciting but things that I am unlikely going to want to do for a little while. Hell, I haven't wanted to do these tasks for the last year, the next few months is unlikely to be any different. I'm a little anxious about getting everything done, even though I am sure that some of this stuff really could be put of for a few more months. I guess I have really gotten into the idea of having a clean slate when I get home from hospital, or very soon after that time, that I am freaking out a little bit on the nearing deadline. I'm not actually sure if I am misidentifying the cause of the anxiety and it's actually about the op itself and other associated bits and pieces that is causing the anxiety. I'm not sure. I know that I am looking forward to being on the other side of the op though a general anxiety would also explain my newly acquired OCD about Germs (which really haven't bothered me too much in the past, anymore than anyone else - I do wash my hands when appropriate and take the appropriate risks) and I do realise that I am becoming a little crazy about it just as I am about the other things that aren't neatly filed away in their happy little boxes.
Back to the GP visit: the sore throat isn't anything too bad. I think that the honey, chilli and garlic, lots of water, lots of fresh vegetables and fruit (not all together), have kicked it a bit. I got the doc to check it today when I was there for the referral just to help put my mind at ease and it isn't too bad. If it does get worse, I am apparently still allowed to take antibiotics and I have been given a script for that. I think I would double check with the surgeons office first just in case but I shouldn't need them so it doesn't really matter too much. The GP visit was pretty sucky as my normal doctor wasn't there and he is way cooler than the one I saw today. (He's on paternity leave - so I would be an ass to complain too much about his absence). I've only really just started to go to this clinic, I really do like this new doctor and I'm fussy. He seems interested in what is going on and is actually knowledgable about it (he does work on some orthopaedic cases though with a different surgeon - so that helps) but I really think that even if he didn't have the ortho background, he would just be one of those doctors that really takes an interest in people so even though I understood the reason why he wasn't there today, I was still a little disappointed that the replacement didn't really live up to expectation (which may well just me not relating to her as well - not a reflection on skills and abilities as a GP). It is difficult to find these doctors who not only take an interest but you also relate to and feel comfortable with. If you have been lucky in your life and got an awesome doc first go, you should be very grateful!
I was lucky enough to have one of my best friends to help me stay focused on the clean out and this afternoon post doc's appointment was actually pretty productive. I am a hoarder and even knowing this about myself, I was still surprised at just how much 'junk' I've collected over the years and carted around from one house to the next. She'll be back on Wednesday to help relieve the insanity again. We'll head off to pilates at midday and maybe get coffee on the way back home so it should be a good day. Thursday is girls night again, so all in all it will be a good week. Here's to it being a productive and stress free one as well :)
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Sunday Night
It's Sunday night and the end of a pretty lazy weekend. I'm catching up on my online reading while watching a Tivo recorded episode of The View in the background (ok, I know that is pretty sad but hey it's easy watching and there isn't anything on at the moment). I've spent a large portion of the last few days napping, trying to kick a cold that is threatening to turn up in full force. I woke up the other morning with a sore throat (after all my panic and illness paranoia that amounted to nothing a few days before that) and the associated panic hit in as I am within the two week period of the surgery and not supposed to take anything. The stupid thing is that I can take my normal anti-inflammatory medication until this Friday and I didn't have enough - so I had to go out today to get a prescription filled for six days. I shouldn't need them after :) Anyway back to the cold thing, so I have been eating lots of fresh food, drinking lots of water and getting lots of rest. I have been out of sorts a bit since mid-week and am slowly getting back on top of it which is good news. I need to kick it quickly so that nothing bumps my surgery date! About to have tea with lemon and manuka honey and another early night. Checkup with the GP tomorrow afternoon and to get another referral for the surgeon as my current one runs out before the surgery (stupid rules, the specialist referral that I got to go see the surgeon only lasts three months yet the GP's lasts 12. How does that work? Wouldn't you think that the specialist referral should have a higher weighting? It's just weird and a huge waste of time)
This week is going to be a pretty busy one. It's the last full week and there is still much to be done.
12 sleeps to go (ignoring any more naps!)
This week is going to be a pretty busy one. It's the last full week and there is still much to be done.
12 sleeps to go (ignoring any more naps!)
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Cool Walking Sticks
I was at Milton today and I accosted a young woman about where she got her walking stick from. I hope that she realised that I was being sincere and would be getting my own very soon from Switch Sticks. I just need to decide which one I want and work out whether I'll need one or two.
Monday, March 21, 2011
It's no big deal, right?
Wrong.
This is a Big F***ing Deal. Just because everyone ends up getting bits and pieces replaced doesn't make it less of a BFD to me.
The actual op itself - it's not a BFD. Yes I have considered the risks of {read this bit very fast} going under general anaesthetic, like, hey, not waking up; or them getting in there and finding out that the BMHR isn't going to work out and it needs to be a total hip; or complications during surgery meaning only one gets done; or the possible post op complications like clots; or the acetabular cup not being placed 'just so' and the metal wear causing pseudo-tumours, having to take antibiotics every time I go to the dentist for the rest of my life, or possibly setting off every metal detector I walk through again and ending up in secondary inspection *deep breath* (and spoken very slowly with finality) Yes - I can not be late to the airport *ever* again.
It's not a BFD for any of these reasons.
It's a BFD because it is going to improve my quality of life.
It might not seem to be a BFD to those who have never struggled with chronic pain (oh how I wish to share, just for a few minutes, just so they know what it feels like to stand still and think about moving in a normal range of movement and to feel the pain the first time - I know that is truly evil - but how else do you gain understanding without experience? *innocent face*)
What's the old saying 'Want to walk a mile in my shoes?' Apparently then you'll understand... Hang on a second here - that's not possible? Who wants to walk a mile anyway right? You lucky F'er, you get to be lazy. Maybe I do... maybe I don't.... maybe I just want the actual choice to walk a mile should I ever want to.
Maybe it's not a BFD to those who think that it isn't a BFD to deal with with what I deal with now. I guess you could be forgiven for thinking that. I hide it well. There are very few that even catch a glimpse of it. I do the things I need to do to maximise what I can do (Sometimes, I know, I'm not very good at doing *everything* that I could be doing - but that's life. Sometimes you just do what you can), so most of the time, I just look like the regular stressed worker bee, no different from any other worker bee. When I'm not, I hibernate, away from the world or find reasons to remain seated, or move when no-one is watching or thousands of other little 'things' I've learnt to protect myself.
The rest of you out in the world just get to think that I'm leaving early because I'm no fun at the party, I'm lazy and catching a cab instead of walking a mile, I'm too busy to go to the event that I'd actually love to go to but there won't be any seating, I look tired all of the time because I don't sleep (and yet I really have but it's never enough). I bet these same people have never seen me tie my own shoelaces either. Come to think of it, have you ever seen me wear shoes with laces? No - probably not - you know why? I can't do them up. There's more and it's equally humiliating, but does it really matter? No. You know why you don't hear about it? It's not worth complaining about - It Just Is. There are people worse off. There are people who can't just go get this fixed. They aren't looking for sympathy and neither am I. I live my life to the best I can and now it's time to move past it - management is no longer the solution.
I'm not looking for sympathy, just maybe a little understanding so that you can share my excitement. (To all you dumb asses that think that understanding is the same as sympathy, please go to last sentence in this post).
This is exciting. This is going to be a new life for me. Things that I've not been able to do since I was eleven. Imagine that. Wow. How can you not see my enthusiasm and be excited for me? Even with all the worst case scenarios, the worst case, is still better than a bad day.
<MorbidHumour> providing that I do wake up from general and get a blood clot - but hey the odds of that are probably lower than getting hit by a bus and hey that hasn't happened yet</MorbidHumour> The prognosis is excellent. I've learnt a lot from my journey. I know I can do this. I know that I will conquer rehab. I know that there are new, exciting things happening and they are going to happen this year.
C'mon, who hasn't seen a child take joy in doing something simple for the first time. How awesome would it be to know what you know now and still get to take the joy in something as simple as tying shoelaces (ok, maybe I'm going a little overboard with the comparison since I still remember how to tie a bow - but come on think about it). Little things that other people take for granted are a big deal? Dropped something on the ground and being able to pick it up!! [Side note: Believe me, I have walked away from dropped coins before and then other times looked at the dropped item and almost cried, realising that I can't just walk away and I have no fricking idea on how I am going to pick it up while stubbornly swiping and attempt to grasp the offending item. Sometimes ingeniousness is required when you need another item like a key or something in your handbag for that extra reach to tip it up against something and slowly raise it up against something so it stands a little higher while you silently pray that no one is watching this pathetic attempt. (Please note this can end up horribly - key and credit card on the ground - lol - if you've been here with me at some point in your life, you've got to laugh, otherwise this is the tears moment!)]
Let's step it up a bit. Want to live without the need for persistent pain medication and miss out on the side order of stomach ulcers? Want to ride a bike? Or maybe going swimming in the ocean? Going to a concert and being in the 'mosh pit'? Or maybe just being able to walk to school (or work!). Want to catch a bus or a tram at the end of the day? Hell, want to get out of a chair at the end of the day? Go on a long walk? Or just a walk to the corner store? Sit on the floor and get up again? [Side note: It won't happen overnight, but it will happen (haha)]
Want to have the choice to do any of these things and more?
To those who think that isn't a BFD - well -
Go Jump!
This is a Big F***ing Deal. Just because everyone ends up getting bits and pieces replaced doesn't make it less of a BFD to me.
The actual op itself - it's not a BFD. Yes I have considered the risks of {read this bit very fast} going under general anaesthetic, like, hey, not waking up; or them getting in there and finding out that the BMHR isn't going to work out and it needs to be a total hip; or complications during surgery meaning only one gets done; or the possible post op complications like clots; or the acetabular cup not being placed 'just so' and the metal wear causing pseudo-tumours, having to take antibiotics every time I go to the dentist for the rest of my life, or possibly setting off every metal detector I walk through again and ending up in secondary inspection *deep breath* (and spoken very slowly with finality) Yes - I can not be late to the airport *ever* again.
It's not a BFD for any of these reasons.
It's a BFD because it is going to improve my quality of life.
It might not seem to be a BFD to those who have never struggled with chronic pain (oh how I wish to share, just for a few minutes, just so they know what it feels like to stand still and think about moving in a normal range of movement and to feel the pain the first time - I know that is truly evil - but how else do you gain understanding without experience? *innocent face*)
What's the old saying 'Want to walk a mile in my shoes?' Apparently then you'll understand... Hang on a second here - that's not possible? Who wants to walk a mile anyway right? You lucky F'er, you get to be lazy. Maybe I do... maybe I don't.... maybe I just want the actual choice to walk a mile should I ever want to.
Maybe it's not a BFD to those who think that it isn't a BFD to deal with with what I deal with now. I guess you could be forgiven for thinking that. I hide it well. There are very few that even catch a glimpse of it. I do the things I need to do to maximise what I can do (Sometimes, I know, I'm not very good at doing *everything* that I could be doing - but that's life. Sometimes you just do what you can), so most of the time, I just look like the regular stressed worker bee, no different from any other worker bee. When I'm not, I hibernate, away from the world or find reasons to remain seated, or move when no-one is watching or thousands of other little 'things' I've learnt to protect myself.
The rest of you out in the world just get to think that I'm leaving early because I'm no fun at the party, I'm lazy and catching a cab instead of walking a mile, I'm too busy to go to the event that I'd actually love to go to but there won't be any seating, I look tired all of the time because I don't sleep (and yet I really have but it's never enough). I bet these same people have never seen me tie my own shoelaces either. Come to think of it, have you ever seen me wear shoes with laces? No - probably not - you know why? I can't do them up. There's more and it's equally humiliating, but does it really matter? No. You know why you don't hear about it? It's not worth complaining about - It Just Is. There are people worse off. There are people who can't just go get this fixed. They aren't looking for sympathy and neither am I. I live my life to the best I can and now it's time to move past it - management is no longer the solution.
I'm not looking for sympathy, just maybe a little understanding so that you can share my excitement. (To all you dumb asses that think that understanding is the same as sympathy, please go to last sentence in this post).
This is exciting. This is going to be a new life for me. Things that I've not been able to do since I was eleven. Imagine that. Wow. How can you not see my enthusiasm and be excited for me? Even with all the worst case scenarios, the worst case, is still better than a bad day.
<MorbidHumour> providing that I do wake up from general and get a blood clot - but hey the odds of that are probably lower than getting hit by a bus and hey that hasn't happened yet</MorbidHumour> The prognosis is excellent. I've learnt a lot from my journey. I know I can do this. I know that I will conquer rehab. I know that there are new, exciting things happening and they are going to happen this year.
C'mon, who hasn't seen a child take joy in doing something simple for the first time. How awesome would it be to know what you know now and still get to take the joy in something as simple as tying shoelaces (ok, maybe I'm going a little overboard with the comparison since I still remember how to tie a bow - but come on think about it). Little things that other people take for granted are a big deal? Dropped something on the ground and being able to pick it up!! [Side note: Believe me, I have walked away from dropped coins before and then other times looked at the dropped item and almost cried, realising that I can't just walk away and I have no fricking idea on how I am going to pick it up while stubbornly swiping and attempt to grasp the offending item. Sometimes ingeniousness is required when you need another item like a key or something in your handbag for that extra reach to tip it up against something and slowly raise it up against something so it stands a little higher while you silently pray that no one is watching this pathetic attempt. (Please note this can end up horribly - key and credit card on the ground - lol - if you've been here with me at some point in your life, you've got to laugh, otherwise this is the tears moment!)]
Let's step it up a bit. Want to live without the need for persistent pain medication and miss out on the side order of stomach ulcers? Want to ride a bike? Or maybe going swimming in the ocean? Going to a concert and being in the 'mosh pit'? Or maybe just being able to walk to school (or work!). Want to catch a bus or a tram at the end of the day? Hell, want to get out of a chair at the end of the day? Go on a long walk? Or just a walk to the corner store? Sit on the floor and get up again? [Side note: It won't happen overnight, but it will happen (haha)]
Want to have the choice to do any of these things and more?
To those who think that isn't a BFD - well -
Go Jump!
18 Sleeps to go
The countdown is on. At hydro this morning and we've added in some new exercises and were talking about what things we are going to be doing over the next few weeks. I realised that I only have two more Mondays left for the big day and the in the last week, I already have most of the day booked out. I'll be working out when to fit the extra hydro session in when I am at physio on Thursday.
:) It's getting exciting now :)
:) It's getting exciting now :)
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Illness Paranoia
I was actually a little rude today which I'd like to think is out of character. I caught up with some friends of mine who I haven't seen for such a long time and things were going smashingly until one started to sniffle a little. At that point, I was pretty much out of there. I was asked if I could give her a lift home from the event which I normally wouldn't have an issue with at all, but instead responded with, I can't be in enclosed spaces with contagious germy people - I have major surgery in three weeks. I'm not sure if I am just being overly precious as I really don't want to delay my date because I have a cold or flu. My chosen surgeon is going on leave for easter, so I'm not sure how long I'd have to delay for if I don't make that April 8 date due to illness.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
The Indoor Pool is Closed
I've never been to the pool on the weekend before as I am normally there in the mornings during the week. It seems that the indoor pool is closed for kids and swimming lessons on the weekends which sucks! I went over there this morning with hubby to show him what I have been up to and we didn't get to get in the pool. The outside ones were open - but it was pouring rain, so really not the best plan for the day. I should have realised that today wasn't the day to be doing this activity when I woke up, it was raining and I couldn't find my swimsuit. It is just as well that I found this out now as I would have been pretty pissed post-op making the way over there to get in the pool to find out it wasn't open today.
Wonder if I can pretend to be a kid learning to swim?
Wonder if I can pretend to be a kid learning to swim?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)