It's no big deal, right?

Wrong.

This is a Big F***ing Deal.  Just because everyone ends up getting bits and pieces replaced doesn't make it less of a BFD to me.

The actual op itself - it's not a BFD.  Yes I have considered the risks of {read this bit very fast} going under general anaesthetic, like, hey, not waking up;  or them getting in there and finding out that the BMHR isn't going to work out and it needs to be a total hip; or complications during surgery meaning only one gets done; or the possible post op complications like clots; or the acetabular cup not being placed 'just so' and the metal wear causing pseudo-tumours, having to take antibiotics every time I go to the dentist for the rest of my life, or possibly setting off every metal detector I walk through again and ending up in secondary inspection *deep breath* (and spoken very slowly with finality) Yes - I can not be late to the airport *ever* again.

It's not a BFD for any of these reasons.

It's a BFD because it is going to improve my quality of life.

It might not seem to be a BFD to those who have never struggled with chronic pain (oh how I wish to share, just for a few minutes, just so they know what it feels like to stand still and think about moving in a normal range of movement and to feel the pain the first time - I know that is truly evil - but how else do you gain understanding without experience? *innocent face*)

What's the old saying 'Want to walk a mile in my shoes?'  Apparently then you'll understand...  Hang on a second here - that's not possible?  Who wants to walk a mile anyway right?  You lucky F'er, you get to be lazy.  Maybe I do...  maybe I don't....  maybe I just want the actual choice to walk a mile should I ever want to.

Maybe it's not a BFD to those who think that it isn't a BFD to deal with with what I deal with now.  I guess you could be forgiven for thinking that.  I hide it well.  There are very few that even catch a glimpse of it.  I do the things I need to do to maximise what I can do (Sometimes, I know, I'm not very good at doing *everything* that I could be doing - but that's life.  Sometimes you just do what you can), so most of the time, I just look like the regular stressed worker bee, no different from any other worker bee.  When I'm not, I hibernate, away from the world or find reasons to remain seated, or move when no-one is watching or thousands of other little 'things' I've learnt to protect myself.

The rest of you out in the world just get to think that I'm leaving early because I'm no fun at the party, I'm lazy and catching a cab instead of walking a mile, I'm too busy to go to the event that I'd actually love to go to but there won't be any seating, I look tired all of the time because I don't sleep (and yet I really have but it's never enough).  I bet these same people have never seen me tie my own shoelaces either.  Come to think of it, have you ever seen me wear shoes with laces?  No - probably not - you know why?  I can't do them up.  There's more and it's equally humiliating, but does it really matter?  No.  You know why you don't hear about it? It's not worth complaining about - It Just Is.  There are people worse off.  There are people who can't just go get this fixed.  They aren't looking for sympathy and neither am I.  I live my life to the best I can and now it's time to move past it - management is no longer the solution.

I'm not looking for sympathy, just maybe a little understanding so that you can share my excitement.  (To all you dumb asses that think that understanding is the same as sympathy, please go to last sentence in this post).

This is exciting.  This is going to be a new life for me.  Things that I've not been able to do since I was eleven.  Imagine that.  Wow.  How can you not see my enthusiasm and be excited for me?   Even with all the worst case scenarios, the worst case, is still better than a bad day.
<MorbidHumour> providing that I do wake up from general and get a blood clot - but hey the odds of that are probably lower than getting hit by a bus and hey that hasn't happened yet</MorbidHumour>  The prognosis is excellent.  I've learnt a lot from my journey.  I know I can do this.  I know that I will conquer rehab.  I know that there are new, exciting things happening and they are going to happen this year.

C'mon, who hasn't seen a child take joy in doing something simple for the first time.  How awesome would it be to know what you know now and still get to take the joy in something as simple as tying shoelaces (ok, maybe I'm going a little overboard with the comparison since I still remember how to tie a bow - but come on think about it).  Little things that other people take for granted are a big deal?  Dropped something on the ground and being able to pick it up!!  [Side note:  Believe me, I have walked away from dropped coins before and then other times looked at the dropped item and almost cried, realising that I can't just walk away and I have no fricking idea on how I am going to pick it up while stubbornly swiping and attempt to grasp the offending item.  Sometimes ingeniousness is required when you need another item like a key or something in your handbag for that extra reach to tip it up against something and slowly raise it up against something so it stands a little higher while you silently pray that no one is watching this pathetic attempt. (Please note this can end up horribly - key and credit card on the ground - lol - if you've been here with me at some point in your life, you've got to laugh, otherwise this is the tears moment!)]

Let's step it up a bit.   Want to live without the need for persistent pain medication and miss out on the side order of stomach ulcers?  Want to ride a bike?  Or maybe going swimming in the ocean?  Going to a concert and being in the 'mosh pit'?  Or maybe just being able to walk to school (or work!).  Want to catch a bus or a tram at the end of the day?  Hell, want to get out of a chair at the end of the day? Go on a long walk?  Or just a walk to the corner store?  Sit on the floor and get up again?   [Side note:  It won't happen overnight, but it will happen (haha)] 


Want to have the choice to do any of these things and more?

To those who think that isn't a BFD - well -

Go Jump!